CHAPTER 167: Not Our Sort

 

After a hard morning at the hair salon, Edna returned home and had a mid-morning pick me up.  She had more work today to promote the League of Decency and her political aims.  A few weeks ago she had made considerable progress in getting her message of clean living, moral righteousness and the destruction of the permissive society to the public but the last fortnight had seen her hitting a barrier of sorts:  A levelling out of support instead of making gains.

"George, sometimes I feel it's like we go two steps forwards and two steps back...do you know what I mean?"

"Like Madison Time?" replied George, who didn't quite grasp what she was saying.  The Madison dance had a move called "two up, two down".

"No, not like the dance...I mean we're not progressing.  The cause isn't." she said with a sigh.

"Well it's still early days, dear" said George, sympathetically.  "You just need to hit the streets and impress on more people"

"You make it sound easy" she said, forlornly.

"Edna, you're the most determined woman I know" said George.  "You let nothing get in your way" 

"That's true...I kept pursuing you until I got my man!" she said with a wry smile.  With that, she opened the front door of Sneedley Burrow and strode out into Bedrock Straight to spread the good word.

She didn't have to go far to find a prospective candidate to talk to.  A woman of indeterminate age, who Edna thought could have been anywhere between mid-20s and 40, was walking right outside of the Burrow and she looked somewhat confused.  She was wearing a mostly burgundy coloured outfit which made her stand out from everyone else who was around.  Edna inspected her from head to toe...a redhead with prominent blue eyes (hair not styled but worn long and straight...tsk tsk), a dress in a nice colour and pattern but about a foot too short, thick stockings to match the colour of the dress (how garish) and matching shoes (far too much of one colour, another tsk).  What made this woman stand out for Edna was that she was holding a large book.

"Good morning, madam" said Edna.  "I couldn't help but notice that book you're reading, what is it?"

"Oh this?" the woman replied.  "Just an anthology of poems.  I'm a bit of a bookworm and on a beautiful day like this I like to read all kinds of poems to lift my mood." she said in a cheery voice.

"Ah, do you like the classics like Keats, Longfellow and erm....what's his name, Byron?"

"Yeah, those cats are great.  I like Yeats, Donne and Ginsburg as well" 

"Never heard of that last one" said Edna, dismissively.  "But you seem like a well read and intelligent...ahem...woman; permit me to introduce myself.  My name is Edna Sneedley from The League of Decency.  Can you spare a few minutes of your time?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm free today" the woman replied.

"Eeeeexceeeeelleeeent" said Edna, who tended to extend the word 'excellent' when she was in her element.  "The League of Decency wants to promote and encourage our...ahem...young people to read more instead of indulging themselves in frivolous and potentially harmful activities.  So long as it's the right kind of reading material."

"Gee...what do you mean by 'the right kind of material', Mrs Sneedley?"

"Well, revolutionary material and subject matter which is far too explicit and salacious...and use of foul language"

"Oh I don't like books that are too descriptive" said the woman with a shake of her head.  "I like to use my imagination as to what the author means....which is why I like poetry the best:  I interpret the meaning, do you know what I mean?"

"I think so...but, yes, more left to the imagination is a good thing.  I abhor over revealing material where the writer is clearly fascinated by dirty subjects..."

At that precise moment Alan Cuffe walked past the two ladies.

Edna turned her face away from him with an air of disgust but Cuffe said nothing.  Instead he gave the other woman a quick look up and down but didn't react at all.  Without breaking his stride or pausing Cuffe had moved on.

"As I was saying..." continued Edna when Cuffe was out of earshot.

"Was that?" asked the woman.

"Yes, and he's precisely the problem I'm talking about" replied Edna.  "Anyway, think about what I'm saying here, here's a small pamphlet about who we are, what we do and what we stand for and can I count on your support?" 

"Are you trying to put me in a bag, lady?" said the woman, tetchily.  Her mood had suddenly changed.

"A bag? I don't understand" replied Edna, confused by the term.

"Yeah, like you want to contain me in a bag...telling me what to do, putting me away..."

"Well, I don't want to tell you what to do...more like giving you guidance and the correct steering" 

"You're not my mom!  Or my high school principal!  Of my doctor!" said the woman, getting more annoyed.

Edna gulped nervously.  "Well, you have the information...I must be going....goodbye and good luck with your poetry" she said, nodding towards the book that was still clutched tightly to the woman's hand.

Edna walked off, nonchalantly, and muttered to herself "Mutton dressed as lamb!  She's at least 35!  Not our sort, oh no, she's definitely not our sort"

Returning home to Sneedley Burrow she went indoors, poured herself a Gin and Tonic and went to see George.

"Did that go well, dear? I saw you talking with that young woman for quite a while" he said.

"She's not that young...too much make up and padding in the right places if you ask me." said Edna, taking a big sip of her drink.  "She's not our sort, George, let's just leave it at that."

"So what now?" he asked.

"I said I'd drop some League of Decency material next door to the McGregors.  Myra was asking to look at some of our pamphlets.  Do you wish to come, George?"

"Don't mind if I do, actually.  Get a chance to stretch my legs" he replied.

They met Myra as she was sweeping the front porch to her house. 

"Good day, Myra, I trust you and your family are doing well?" said Edna, cheered up by her G&T.

"We are, thank you.  We're just having a slightly lazy Sunday afternoon" replied Edna.

"I didn't see you at church this morning" enquired Edna.

"Oh...well...we slept in.  Jamie's been hard studying and Colin had a restless night.  We'll be there next week.  Promise." replied Myra, defensively.  "Erm, would you like to come inside for a coffee?" she said, as a way of pacifying the Sneedleys.

"That would be lovely" replied Edna. "Oh, and I've brought those pamphlets you said you'd be interested in looking at"

"Great" said Myra, flatly.

Myra went to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee whilst Edna and George looked over the humble McGregor home.  As they were doing so the son, Jamie, entered the lounge.

"Oh hi, Mr and Mrs Sneedley" he said.

"Hello Jamie, I hope all is well with you?  How is school?" asked Edna.

"School, oh yeah, that's cool.  I got a few B's this week so my grade curve is up." the boy replied.

"You must be pleased" replied Edna.

"Yeah...Is Mom making some coffee?  Please sit down" said Jamie, remembering his manners.

"It's so important to focus on your grades instead of frivolous past times" said Edna, after sitting down.

"Did you get good grades at school, Mrs Sneedley, if you don't mind me asking?" said Jamie.

Edna paused for a moment before responding.  "I got the grades I required to become a dental nurse...that was my job after leaving school and before settling down to marriage."

Myra brought out the coffees and soon she and Edna were discussing the neighbourhood and whether her and Colin had any plans to do some home improvements.  That left Jamie with George.

"So, Jamie, have you considered a career in the armed forces?" said George.  "I spent 10 years in the US Navy and they were some of the best years of my life."

"Gee, no, Mr Sneedley.  I'm not sure what I want to do at the moment."

"You've got to have a career plan, young Jamie.  I learned a trade in the Navy: catering.  I can tell you it's no easy task preparing a meal for 400 crew whilst under attack from Japanese Kamikaze pilots." George said, shuddering at the memory.

"Actually catering is one of the careers I've thought about.  Being a chef, you know...but, say, Mr Sneedley, when you were at high school what was the dating scene like?"

"Well, it was the very end of the Depression...we couldn't even afford to look at a girl at school, let alone ask her out." George replied.

When Edna and Myra re-joined the room talk soon became dominated by Edna and her opinions about society.  Jamie, however, had a few questions of his own...

"Mrs Sneedley" he began "I was wondering....I mean, you're all against the permissive society but weren't people back in the War up to all kinds of things?  I mean, wasn't there a baby boom AFTER it?  Your generation must have been a little bit permissive?" he said with feigned innocence.

"Well....I mean...yes...there were a lot of babies born just after....when the husbands came home, of course.  But we don't talk about such things!"

"I think we've taken up enough of the McGregor's time, George.  Let's go home" said Edna, wriggling out of the spot Jamie had put her in.

George went straight home but Edna saw some litter in the street and picked it up, tutting at the carelessness of litterbugs.  However, her civic policing was interrupted by the presence of Alan Cuffe, who was still jogging.

"Oh, Edna, didn't see you there" he said, slowing down before he accidentally collided with her.

"Just doing my civic duty and keeping the place neat and tidy" she replied, haughtily.

"Yes...well you'll get no argument from me there." he replied.

"If only everything could be kept neat..." she said.

"At the moment, I am focussing on keeping fit..." he said, dropping to the ground and doing push ups.  "Keeping fit prevents the bugs from invading my system...got to keep those bugs out.  Stop the invasion of my body..."

"Mr Cuffe, are you...alright?" she asked, puzzled by what he was saying.

Meanwhile George was settling down in the lounge of Sneedley Burrow to listen to some music and read a good book.

He had just sat down and got comfortable when there was a knock at the door.

"Ah, Edna's probably forgotten her keys" he said, getting up and walking over to open it.  But it wasn't Edna, it was a red headed woman wearing a barely there burgundy dress.

"Oh, I'm looking for Mrs Sneedley" she said.

"She's my wife.  She's not here at the moment but I'm expecting her back soon.  Can I help?  I'm George Sneedley."

"Maybe you can...you see, your wife told me about your League of Decency this morning and I reacted badly to it, but on reflection I'm curious.  Can I talk to you about it?" she said.

"I....erm....certainly" said George, looking the lady up and down.  He felt nervous about asking a younger woman into his home while his wife was absent.

The woman, who gave her name as Charlotte Sneed, strode purposely into the Burrow and looked the place over.

"This place is wild....I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be here after all..." she said.

"Oh don't leave just yet!  Ask me anything about the League.  We're in the business of improving society" said George, who was both shocked and entranced by this woman.

"OK, maybe I shouldn't be so nervous....hey, is that Baroque music you've got playing there?  I love Baroque."

"Yes...it's something of an interest of mine" said George.  "Helps to settle the mind I feel"

"Yeah...I think I need to settle mine..." she said, sitting on the couch right next to him.  "I had some mushrooms this morning and I haven't come down from them."

"Oh...you had mushrooms?  I think they're a much underrated ingredient.  I'm a chef by trade." replied George.

"That's not the kind of mushrooms I meant...." said Charlotte.  "Say, isn't it trippy that you're called Sneedley and I'm called Sneed?"

"Like your name is an unfinished version of mine!  Ha-ha!" George laughed nervously.

Charlotte sat down right next to George, which made him nervous.  The hem of her dress rode up so high her legs were right there for him to see.  He gulped, this strange woman was sitting way too close to him and yet he had to admit to himself it was a very pretty dress.

"Tell me more about your little organisation" she said, with a soft husky tone to her voice.

George gulped again. "We...erm...we try to fight back....erm....I mean, suppress...." be began but at that moment Edna walked into the house.

"Oh" she said, seeing George sitting next to the strange youngish woman she met earlier on.  "I didn't know we were expecting guests, George?"

"Oh, Edna, I believe you've met this lady..." said George, immediately springing to his feet.

"We certainly have" Edna replied, suspiciously.  "So, what do we owe this visit?" she asked Charlotte.

"I'm curious about your organisation, I want to know more"

"I'm not sure we're your kind of people, Miss?"

"Sneed, Charlotte Sneed...I was just having a little joke with your husband about how similar our names are."

"Hmmm, just the names, though" said Edna, with a trace of acid.

"Maybe there's other things we have in common...like your ideas?  I want to know more."

"Really?  Well, shall we adjourn to my...I mean, our office?  I can show you the kind of things we're working on." said Edna.

They crossed the hall to the study where, again, Charlotte inspected the room and cast judgement.

"This is one serious room" she said.

"Of course, serious business goes on here" replied Edna.  "What is it that you're in search of, Miss Sneed?  I sense direction, purpose, meaning."

"Yeah, all of those things" replied Charlotte.  "I'm a kind of cosmic drifter going from one thing to the next.  I feel drawn to you two...in a magnetic way...like polar opposites"

"Erm, polar opposites repel, not attract" interjected George.

"I'm not expressing myself very well" continued Charlotte.  "But I'm tired of drifting around and am looking for more purpose."

"If that's what you want you have to want to take control over your life and make serious changes" said Edna.  "For starters, I recommend young...well, youngish in your case...women smarten themselves up first.  Lengthen your hemlines, get rid of the garish coloured hosiery and get a smart, sensible hairstyle that doesn't move."

"Oh...you don't approve of my outfit?" replied, Charlotte, surprised.

"I've seen worse, but smart appearance is core to our work" replied Edna.  "Along with moral fortitude, pride in one's community and nation and weeding out undesirables."

"And a healthy diet" added George.

"Oh...man...I'm starting to come down from those mushrooms!" replied Charlotte.  "I'm feeling hot and tensed up!"

"I'll get some Alka Seltzer" said George, getting up from his chair.

"No!  I'll be OK...I need to come down, that's all...thanks for your time, I must be going..." Charlotte replied.  "Nice house, once again" and with that the young woman strode out of the Sneedley residence with a haughty air about her.

"What a strange woman..." remarked George, after she left.  "Maybe she had indigestion?"

"I don't think the mushrooms she was referring to are the same kind you and I eat." said Edna, narrowing her eyes as she watched Charlotte Sneed walk down the street.  "No, you're quite right, George, a strange woman...not our sort at all."

"Anyway, I must get to work now, Dear" said George. "I hope you have a pleasant evening" he said, grabbing his chef's jacket.

After he'd left Edna made some fresh coffee...which she made Irish with a dash of whisky. She found people like Charlotte Sneed a drain to be around.

One coffee wasn't enough and Edna ended up drinking three over the course of the evening.  This, however, made her feel worse for wear...As she stepped outside for some fresh air to sober up she pondered the crosses she had to bear in her day to day life, how hard the task of correcting society was and keeping it all together...thank goodness she had a loyal and dependable husband in George.  He would never stray into strange territory...