CHAPTER 221: Temper, temper

When Julia went to treat her first patient of the day she was surprised to find that it was someone she knew quite well:  George Sneedley.

"Good morning, George" she said cheerily but a look at the man's face soon wiped the happy expression off of her face.  "Oh dear, those are some strange markings on your face...let's see if we can get to the bottom of what's caused that."

George smiled meekly back at her.  She had always found him to be a quiet, often reticent man who only really came to life when talking about odd, often esoteric topics of conversation such as uniforms and the superiority of stockings over tights.  

"So when did these skin markings start to appear?" she asked.

"Yesterday morning"

"I see...had you bathed beforehand?" 

"I bathed the previous evening" he replied with an almost apologetic tone to his voice.

"Not a morning person then?  And did you use your regular brand of soap or a different kind?"

"No.  My regular kind."

"Did you apply anything to your skin that you wouldn't normally use such as a moisturiser?"

"NO!" replied George, sharply.  "I do not use feminine products on my skin!"

Julia didn't instantly reply, shocked as she was by George's raised voice and sharp manner.

"The only reason I asked is that sometimes women get skin rashes when applying too much make up, which clogs the pores and causes a reaction in the skin.  I know they test things so this doesn't happen but it can still happen...but obviously you wouldn't use lots of foundation make up..."

"OBVIOUSLY NOT!" George snapped again.

"Let me run some tests...it could be blood related." she said, wondering what on earth was triggering George.

As she was about to leave there came a voice over the loudspeaker.  Julia recognised it as being Harper Newell, a nurse she knew and a friend, who was speaking and there was urgency in her voice.

"Paging a crash team to the lobby...paging a crash team to the lobby.  We have a patient emergency."

Julia, without any authority, ran to the lobby to see what was going on.  She wasn't officially part of the crash team but George Sneedley's room was the closest to the lobby so she thought she could get there within seconds.

A woman was lying flat on the floor and a child was next to her, looking confused and frightened.  

"Are you her son?" asked a nurse.

"No...ma'am...erm...she just collapsed all of a sudden!" said the boy.

"Step aside, I'm coming through!  Said Julia.  She knelt down next to the woman and checked to see if she was still breathing.  "She's alive and breathing" said Julia to the crash team.  No visible signs of injury...OK, let's get her on the gurney and get her to triage" 

The team wasted no time in doing what Julia ordered and before long they'd taken her to triage, where she was then sent for further examinations.  Julia was then told she was no longer needed by more senior doctors.

She collected the swabs taken from George and took them down to the lab for analysis.  As she guessed, it was a skin allergy and easily treated.

"Sorry about before, George, but there was this emergency in the lobby and I had to attend to it."

"Huh, how selfish of them"

"Aaaaaaaanyway, George, I have your test results back and it is a skin allergy that's causing the blotches on your face.  If you're using a new kind of soap or skin treatment..."

"WHICH I'M NOT!" he said, loudly and indignantly

"...OK, then it's advisable to avoid using certain ones in future, especially those which has an oil base..like the kind you find in make up"

Julia was met with a hard stare. 

"That's just an example.  Anyway, here is a prescription for some tablets for you to take..."

George snatched the prescription, let out a loud "harumph" and ushered Julia out of his room.

At the end of her shift Julia returned home.  There was excitement and also George's strange, defensive behaviour but what she was now looking forward to was an evening at the humour and hijinks festival.  Julia was a member of the Dishonourable Company of Pranksters: Practical jokers extraordinaire.

One of the reasons she was looking forward to going was that she had invited a new friend, Blair Herrick, to join her.  Blair was a chemistry postgraduate student, intelligent, interesting to talk to and even Julia had to admit that he was a good looking man...not that being handsome rated highly in her list of things she liked about men.  No, to her, being handsome was merely a bonus.  Still, just picturing him made Julia feel....sensual.  It was a very new feeling for her to experience.

She thought about changing into an outfit that most people would consider to be more alluring but the festival usually involved someone getting a custard pie in the face, or wet, or covered in gunge so she opted for her regular, practical outfit.

She headed down to the festival and kept a sharp look out for her 'date', even though she didn't consider this to be a romantic date; it was just going to be two intelligent, sophisticated people enjoying one another's company and if anything were to arise then Julia would take a measured, calm approach and not act like a silly little girl with a crush.

She took a fortifying drink of punch from the Prankster's bowl; a secret recipe known only to the Grand Prankmaster, and sat down, awaiting the arrival of Blair.  Sure enough he arrived, looking stylish in a grey blazer and black turtleneck sweater.

"Hi, Julia.  How's it going?" he said.

"Fine...fine...I haven't been here long.  Did you find this place OK?" she replied.

"I couldn't miss it.  Signs everywhere, people handing out flyers for comedy acts.  So this is the Humour and Hijinks Festival is it?  I've never been before." said Blair.

"This is it" replied Julia, looking around her at all the other attendees; some of whom she knew.  "It's a comedy and practical jokes evening, a bit of fun.  Over there you have the Pranksters and opposite them are the Jokesters.  The Prankers like..."

"Pranking?" Blair interjected.

"That's right, so expect whoopee cushions, custard pies and buckets filled with confetti.  The Jokesters like firing off quick fire jokes and puns..."

"Ugh, puns..." Blair recoiled with a look of disgust on his face.

"I know!  Anyway we have these competitions; who can play the most practical jokes in 3 hours or who can tell the most one liners"

"It all sounds a bit silly" said Blair.

"It is.  That's the point.  A bit of levity in our otherwise serious lives.  That's why I joined; to take a break, to show a different side of myself."

"Have you always been a joker?" asked Blair.

"No...it's a recent thing.  I developed that side of my personality in college.  There were fellow med students who wanted to play practical jokes on campus but lacked ideas...so they came to me because they thought I was smart."

Next to Julia and Blair were three men talking loudly, using very florid words and terms.

"I find that when dealing with the none-too-bright and barely hominid types a well phrased witty riposte or play on words usually shuts them up as they try to work out what's been said to them."

"Jokesters..." whispered Julia.  "They're gearing up for a pun assault, I can tell."

"They're blabbing their plans!  Geez, do they have to be so loud?" said an increasingly annoyed Blair.

"For example..." continued the very loud man.  "...I was called a 'bastard' the other day and, quick as a flash, I responded with 'ah-ha!  Better to be conceived by a MISS, than to be MISconceived!' and he had no response.  No response at all!"

"Oh very witty, Damian, very witty." said one of his friends.

"No it wasn't!" said Blair out loud.  "That's just being pretentious!"

"Excuse me, sir, are you referring to my friends and I by that statement?" said a man with an immaculate pencil moustache and bright bleached blonde hair.

"Can you noisy fruits not be so loud and....so damn annoying!" said Blair, raising his voice.

"Fruits?  I'm just as God made me!" responded the blonde man with great indignation.

Julia felt Embarrassed at this scene.  "Blair, just leave things alone...it's meant to be a fun evening."

"Well...people like that get on my nerves!" said Blair.

"By people like that you mean?...." said Julia, nervously.

"Well...you know the type.  Gentlemen of the Lavender persuasion who are loud show offs.  Like that goddawful Truman Capote!  Every time he's on TV I have to change channels."  Blair's brows were furrowed and his cheeks were starting to go red.

The penny was dropping with Blair.  He had all this anger in him that he had concealed until now, the presence of three homosexual men had pushed a button in him and now he wasn't so handsome and charming.

"Look, this place isn't my scene...let's say we split from here and get a drink somewhere?" said Blair.

"I....enjoy the festival.  I'll stay." said Julia, looking disconsolate that, once again, a man who showed such promise had turned out to be a jerk.

"It's like that, is it?" said Blair, tetchily.

"It's like that" she replied.  "Goodnight, Blair."

He got up and stormed off, shaking his head all the way to the subway station.  Julia went in the opposite direction to seek some comfort by watching the stand up comic.

Julia was left with a sinking feeling that left her sick in the stomach.  Another prospect dashed.  Not even the comedy could cheer her up.

"He left you high and dry, eh?  Well, you dodged a bullet in my opinion" came a voice from her left.  Julia turned to see who was speaking to her and it was the man with bleach blonde hair.

"I left him as much as he left me.  Another winner I backed..." she said, with a heavy sigh.

The man was about to reply when there a came a voice over the loudspeaker.  "The result of tonight's contest is in.  Pranksters 7, Jokesters 4.  Therefore I declare the Pranksters to be the winner of this evening's Humour and Hijinks Festival, proudly sponsored by Crelm Toothpaste.  Crelm, for a minty fresh smile as you laugh the night away."

"Congratulations, Prankster..." said the blonde man.  "...in time honoured tradition the losing team buys the winner a drink.  Would you stay and have one?" 

"This isn't a rebound thing, is it?" asked Julia.

"Honey, you're not my type.  This is a genuine offer of camaraderie and consolation."

"Alright...I'll accept your offer but I'm done with men for the foreseeable!"

"That makes less competition for me!" said the man with a mischievous grin.  My name is Diego, what's yours?"

"Julia"

"Pleased to meet you Julia, what's your tipple of choice?"

Julia told Diego what she wanted and in a flash he went over to the Tiki Bar, snapped his fingers and was served instantly.  Almost as quickly as he had left to go to the bar, he was back with two exotic cocktails.

"Here's to comedy!" he said, raising a glass to hers.

"To comedy!" Julia replied.  "I'm sorry about my date...the things he said."

"You don't have to apologise for him being a jerk." Diego replied.

"I know I shouldn't but...that's the third time I've struck out in as many months!  I mean, I'm a doctor, a serious professional and I spent years avoiding romance and now...now..."

"You're inner romantic has been stirred up and it won't quieten down?"

"Yes!  That's it!  I'm sorry to be all 'poor me'.  I don't want to keep you from your friends..."

"They're not really my friends.  I mean, one of them stole some of my artwork back in the Spring and he's doing community service for my gallery so I tolerate him for now.  He does tell a good story though so it's not so bad being in his company."

"Are you a painter?" she asked.

"Art critic.  I haven't the time to paint.  I should but I prefer the company of people too much to be the tortured artist.  Let's see if my hopeless romantic soul can help yours.  Tonight's date was a jerk, what about the other two?"

"Blair...the guy you saw tonight, seemed alright.  He's a chemistry postgrad, intelligent, articulate and knowledgeable so I thought he'd be a good match.  Before him was Jude, a successful stockbroker, was successful and charming but he's still infatuated with his ex-wife and was such a lazy slob!  And then the guy who ruined it all for me:  Vincent."

"What was wrong with Vincent?" asked Diego.

Julia sighed.  "Nothing.  He was charming, intelligent, handsome...if you put such store in things like mere physical attractiveness...and so, so nice.  I mean selfless!  He went to work in the Congo helping victims of the civil war there."

"Oh unrequited love!  How well I know thee!" sighed Diego.  "I take it this Vincent was the catalyst for your romantic stirrings and since he left you've tried to find the nearest thing to him?"

"You seem to know me so well!" said Julia.

"Like I said, I'm a people person." said Diego.

"I don't like all this!  I want the romance to go away!  I want to be the strict professional woman of science again!"

"The genie's out of the bottle, honey.  As I see it, you've got three choices:  1, go to the Congo and find Vincent.  2, become a nun.  3.  Keep trying until you find someone as good or even better than Vincent.  Now with my list of contacts, I'm sure I can steer you in the direction of someone like that.  Let Diego Lobo be your guide!"