CHAPTER 223: New Tricks

"Barbara...It's just really sunk in:  I don't have to go in to work anymore and yet I'm up at 6:30, I've been for my morning run and after I eat breakfast....nothing.  I've got nothing."

"Other than me and our home" she replied.

He looked at her and smiled.  "Of course, and I'm blessed but I meant a job, something to do.  No business will take me on after being named in the press as the Landgraab whistleblower."

"Why not take a well earned break while you think of what you're going to do next?"

"I can't keep still right now!  I've been pacing around the house and jogging around the block this last week and it's wearing me down.  I need to find something to do."

"You can always help me at the boutique.  You've done such a good job with the accounts and I need a financial person around to order stock, pay wages, make sure taxes are filed and all that."

"I do that here" he said, pointing to the little study/office that was down the hall.

"Why not come and do all that paperwork at the boutique itself?  It'll get you out of the house, you can see how things operate more in person and it will mean the two of us spending more time with each other!" she said with an inviting smile.

"But it'll be just the accounts and stuff...I won't have to go out there and sell clothes?" he asked, nervously.

"I'll be the best boss you've ever had!  I won't make you do things you don't wish to do." she declared, positively.

"The first time I'll have a job where that doesn't happen...." he muttered.

When they arrived at Pack's Clothing, Barbara noticed that Jeremy was still looking nervous.

"You'll be fine, my sweet.  I'm here to help you...it's just a clothes shop." she said, kissing his cheek.

She saw that a number of mannequins lacked outfits on them so she called over Jeremy.

"First things first, we need to dress those dummies."  she said.  "Menswear.  I'll show you the stock, I'll pick out some items and you can dress them."

"Me?  Dress a mannequin?" Jeremy replied, shocked.

"Yes.  They don't bite" she said with a smile.  "Well, one of them does but I forget which.  Now come on, it's not difficult."

Jeremy went out the back to find the apparel Barbara wanted and he brought it out around to the front of the shop.

"OK, there it is...now what?" he said.

"Dress the mannequins.  It's like dressing up dolls only the dolls are bigger." she replied.

"I never played with dolls.  G.I. Joe is a recent thing" he said, matter of factly.

"Really?  Oh, I suppose not.  Erm, OK, well...it's like dressing yourself but, like on a store dummy." she said, awkwardly.  "Look, just give it a try and if you get into any trouble, Toni will be along soon and I'll get her to help you."

Toni duly showed up and Barbara sorted out their work schedules, with Jeremy bringing the stock out to the front so the mannequins could be dressed and Toni cleaning the place.  For such a young woman, Barbara was certainly the boss of this outfit...

Almost as soon as the doors were opened there were a flurry of customers.  "Toni, you help that lady in the pale yellow dress, I'll deal with the young woman with the red hair and Jeremy, you're going to have to help this gentleman over here." said Barbara, rapidly firing off instructions to her team.

"What?  Me?  Deal with a customer?" exclaimed Jeremy.

"Yes...it's not difficult; just ask him what he's looking for and if you know where that is, guide him there and if you don't, come and ask me or Toni.  Quickly now, this place is filling up and we need to work as a team."

Jeremy approached the man, who looked a little older than the youthful customers that normally frequented Pack's Clothing, and could see he was a collar and tie wearing kind of gentleman.

"Excuse me, do you work here?" asked the man of Jeremy.

"Erm, yes.  I work here." Jeremy replied, nervously.  "How can I help you?"

"I'm looking to buy a suit."

"Phew, I know about suits.  What style, sir?"

"A lounge suit.  Something smart, yet not formal."

"Something smart yet not formal.  Hmmm, would this be for work?"

"Not exactly; more like a suit you'd wear for a dinner party or smart casual."

Jeremy looked around and saw a mannequin with a lounge suit on it.  "I think we might have something in store.  How are you with velvet?"

"I'm fine with velvet.  In earth tones?"

"It's a bit on the Earthy side, sir.  Would burgundy suit?"

"I really like burgundy as a colour."

"Then step this way, sir, I think I have the suit for you."

It turned out the gentleman, a Mr Giordano, liked the suit Jeremy showed him and had decided to buy it.  Jeremy had made his first sale.

After making the sale Jeremy went up to Barbara and whispered in her ear.  "That was easy!  First sale...ker-ching!"

"Hark at you!  Mr Sales himself!" she replied.

"Gimme another customer!" he said, looking around the store.  

"First things first, make sure you have the receipts for that sale you just completed!  Hey, look, there's Liberty...I'm going to have a talk with her."

"Hey, Barbara, how's business?" said Liberty.

"Very good today, thanks."

"Is that Jeremy working over there?"

Barbara turned and looked around to the cash till, where Jeremy was busy ringing up another sale.  "Yes it is; since losing his job as Landgraab he's working with me.  I think he's enjoying himself as well."

"You've got him right where you can see him.  I hope he's not too sad about leaving his corporate job." said Liberty with a note of concern in her voice.

"I think he feels relieved that he no longer has to work for a company that were against his ethics." replied Barbara.  Liberty made a good point; it was nice to have Jeremy working alongside her...they could enjoy lunches together.

Barbara was scanning the shop to see if there were other customers who needed her assistance, or that of her employees.  She noticed George Sneedley browsing the women's footwear section, which seemed odd to her.

Barbara went over to where Jeremy was and she could see that he was struggling to deal with a customer who couldn't make up his mind and who was asking obscure, technical questions about clothes.

"Jeremy, dear, I see Mr Sneedley is over there...does he look nervous to you?"

Jeremy peered over her shoulder.  "Hmmm, now that you mention it, he does."

"He's probably buying something for his wife but can't make up his mind.  The last time he was in here he had a panic attack."

"Wasn't that about all the skimpy clothing you sell?"

"Trendy, not skimpy.  Anyway, as you know him a little could you help him whilst I deal with this young man" she said, indicating the person standing next to them.

"I can't have certain man-made fabrics like Quartron or Dapto next to my skin!" said the teenage boy whom Jeremy was trying to help.

"Of course, young sir, I will be helping you" said Barbara, jerking her towards George Sneedley as a signal for Jeremy.

Jeremy had noticed that George had gone from the footwear department over to a large window display where the athletic outfits were on display.

"Hello George" said Jeremy, as he approached the man from behind.

"GWAAAAA!" said George, jumping in the air in fear and surprise.  "Oh, it's you, Jeremy.  I'm...I'm...it's terrible news about Geoffrey Landgraab, isn't it?"

That seemed like a strange way to begin a conversation whilst in a clothes shop but Jeremy rolled with it.

"Very sad.  I hear the funeral is this weekend.  Anyway, I work here now...helping my girlfriend, Barbara.  I saw you were browsing and wondered if you'd like any assistance?  I see you're viewing our sportswear range; that red polo shirt is also available in blue and green."

"Oh I wasn't looking at that.  I was looking at..." George's voice trailed off as his gaze drifted towards the female mannequin next to the male one.  

"The leotard?  Erm, is that...something you're interested in?" asked Jeremy, incredulously.

"IT'S FOR MY WIFE!  I mean, it's for Edna.  She's on a health kick. right now"

"Oh I see.  Yes, I believe that outfit comes in various colours as well.  Edna's about a size 10?"

"Size 12"

"Really?  She looks a lot thinner than that.  Let me see if we have that in stock."  Jeremy walked off to check with Toni if the leotard came in a larger size.

"We have it all the way up to a 16.  Is it for that guy over there?" said Toni, when Jeremy enquired.

"Yes...well, for his wife."

Toni raised an eyebrow in surprise.  "Is that what he's told you?  In my experience you get men coming into ladies clothes shops and they ain't buying for mom, wifey or girlfriend if you catch my drift" she said.

"No, I don't.  If not for them, then who...oh, you don't mean George Sneedley might have a mistress!"

"That's not what I was going with, Sugar.  You don't buy an outfit like that for your mistress." Toni replied.

"I wouldn't know" said Jeremy, innocently.

"You are just so sweet.  Babs is lucky to have a guy so honest as you.  I'll go and find one green ladies exercise leotard and matching tights in a size 12 and I'll explain all about the kind of men I mean when we have more time..."

The rest of the day's business was busy and brisk and Jeremy had survived his baptism of fire on his first day.  They all had coffee and doughnuts once the doors were shut and Barbara was impressed at just how much got sold today:  There were mannequins still undressed, such was the demand.

"Did Jeremy behave himself today, Toni?" asked Barbara.

"He was great; a fast learner.  It certainly helped having three of us around today.  Anyway, gotta fly...Jezza, I'll tell you more about the kind of guy I think your Mr Sneedley is another time."

"Bye Toni..." said Barbara as Toni left the store.  She turned to Jeremy and asked "what did she mean by that last comment?"

"I wish I knew!" he replied, innocently.

"You were terrific today...so...do you want to go out tonight to celebrate your first, successful day here?"

"That sounds great.  Let's get a bite to eat and a few drinks down at the Salty Paws Saloon." he suggested.

"And have a bop as well?" Barbara asked.

"And have a bop.  You got it!" he said.

As they drank and danced the night away, Jeremy felt the ache in his legs from having to work standing up for 90% of the time. He was so used to working from behind a desk. Barbara, on the other hand, was like a dynamo; she was used to running around and rushing from customer to customer.

"Hey, Babe, do you think you'll want to come in to work tomorrow?" she asked Jeremy.

"For sure.  Do you know, I actually enjoyed myself today.  It's a completely different world to what I'm used to."

"I promise not to hire you under false pretences, brainwash you into hating your friends and forcing you to work on projects that will actually harm people" she said, cheekily, referring to his work at Landgraab's.

"Well, that's a relief" Jeremy replied.

Eventually they went outside to enjoy the romantic scene of Brindleton Bay harbour as the last flickers of sunlight faded.

"I guess I can learn some new tricks, after all." said Jeremy, gazing lovingly into Barbara's eyes.

CHAPTER 222: Groove With The Kids

I arrived at the dining table to find my parents both being soppy towards each other; almost insufferably so.  Hey, I'm trying to finish my homework here!  Get a motel room!

"Been for a run already, Colin dear?"

"Yep.  Nothing like fresh air filling your lungs and the muscles pumping to get your body going in the mornings."

"I like that T-shirt you're wearing, Colin...it shows off your wonderfully toned muscles well.  Firm...toned..."

"Gotta keep fit to keep up with you, Myra my dear..."

"Hey there!"  I had to interject before they got worse.  "I'm trying to finish my English literature report!  I almost wrote down 'Dickens' intentions in this chapter is to demonstrate his wonderfully toned muscles'.  I'm sure that will go down well with Miss Duddy..."

 

"Tee hee...I can see why that wouldn't go down well with your teacher, Jamie.  Alright, your father and I will be on best behaviour from now on."

But there would be negative repercussions from mom and dad flirting with each other whilst I was working on my English lit report. As it panned out, I forgot to cross the mistake I had made at the breakfast table so when I had to stand up in front of the class I inadvertently read out the part about Dickens showing off his toned muscles and the entire class...plus Miss Duddy...all burst out laughing and it was not a nice comedy moment either.  I watched across the classroom to the back row where Judy Keith and Colleen Corby were sitting and they had reacted with disgust.  I wanted the Earth to swallow me up.  Needless to say I was depressed and crestfallen when I got home.

 

I'd arranged for a band practice this evening and it was too late to cancel... I was going to have to tough this one out.  If the others find out what happened, and I'm sure they would given the rumour mill at school, then they might purge me from the very band I helped form...

Our base was behind the snug at Desert Bloom Park and I wasn't the first to arrive.  I saw that Efrain was already there.

"Hey, how's it going, Jamie?"

"Alright, I suppose."

"I heard about what happened at school.  That's too bad but you're here now, let's jam"

I was relieved that he was taking this well.  Yeah, let's jam and put the crap behind me.

"Ah Louie Louie, oh no, you take me where I gotta go...oh no, no, no, no, no, no...."

"Are you sure those are they actual lyrics, Efrain?"

"Who cares?  They sound right!  Keep going!"

Now Rohan and Lulu have arrived.  Great, we've got the whole band here although I'm still not sure what Lulu's role is meant to be...

"Rohan, you're looking dapper" 

"Thanks, Efrain...but compliments go to Lulu; she chose this outfit"

"I think you guys should have a smart look; like the Beatles"

"Do you have any ideas about the fashion side of things, Lulu?"

"Yes, Jamie, lots of ideas...also, ideas for a set list...."

Lulu picked up my guitar and started to strum and sing...

"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older then we wouldn't have to wait so long..."

"She's good, Jamie, she's very good..."

"She is, Rohan...Lulu, where do you see yourself in this band?  I mean we've got Efrain, lead vocals, me, lead guitar, Rohan, keyboards..."

"I dunno...where do you see me?"

"I asked you first"

"I can play bass if you like, and....maybe..." OK, now she's looking coy and bashful and drawing a circle in the sand with her foot whilst her hands are behind her back.  Man, she looks so cute when she does this!

"...maybe I can share vocals as well?" 

"Share vocals?  I mean, man, we agreed I'd be lead singer!"

"I know, Efrain, and you still are but it'd be nice to have some harmonies going as well and there are certain songs where a male and female voice would be great together."

"But who does that kind of thing?"

"Well...The Seekers, Peter Paul & Mary..."

"I'm not doing that folk crap!"

"Steampacket!"

Suddenly Rohan speaks up and the three of us all turn to look at him in bewilderment.

"What the hell is Steampacket?"

"They're a British R n' B band.  Really rare to find their stuff but I have a cousin who recently came back from a trip to England and he brought back some bootleg vinyl of Steampacket and they have 3 singers:  Two guys called Long John Baldry and Rod Stewart and a girl singer called Julie Driscoll.  They're great.  We could all go round to my place later and listen to them; get some ideas!"

Rohan's suggestion wasn't bad at all and at least it calmed down Efrain and Lulu.  Just as we were about to resume rehearsals this blonde chick wearing really short denim shorts walks up to us.

"Say, are you guys a band?"

"Yes we are...we're The Bluestones.  I'm Efrain, I sing lead vocals"

"I'm Jamie; lead guitar"

"Groovy!"

"This is Rohan, keyboards and I'm Lulu; bass and vocals"

"Oh...you wouldn't be Lulu Strang, would you?"

"Yes I am.  Have we met before?"

"No...I've heard your name being mentioned, that's all."

The girl's interested expression now turned to suspicion but Efrain, always one to try and impress the chicks, now leapt back in to the conversation.

"Yeah, well, we practice here every Wednesday and Saturday and we've got some gigs coming up.  I can get you free tickets if you want."

My stomach sinks again; Efrain's offered free tickets to all the cute girls at school.  We're not going to make any money at this rate.

"That's neat.  Yeah, I'll swing past here on Saturday and check you guys out.  Catch you later" 

"See you..............well, she was HOT, Jamie.  I think she likes me"

"Pah, she's a flake!  I know the type.  Don't get your hopes up there"

"Lulu, are you just gonna be a drag today?"

"I'm just sayin'"

"Alright gang, let's just focus here.  We've done OK today; I think both Louie Louie and Wouldn't It Be Nice are great for the set list, let's work on some more and maybe we can start writing songs as well.  Saturday 3pm good for you all?"

"Good for me...and I'll bet you a dollar, Lulu, that she comes and sees us on Saturday."

"Deal!"

The gang all go their separate ways except for Lulu, who doesn't seem to be in a hurry to leave the park.

"Efrain might be the lead singer but you're definitely the leader of the band."

"Thanks, Lulu, although this isn't a competition between any of us.  You bring so much energy it's a matter of co-ordinating that with Efrain's opinions and Rohan's sensitivity."

"I can't help myself, Jamie...I get so enthusiastic sometimes my mouth just runs off and I say all kinds of things without thinking..."

"That's OK..." The two of us are alone now and I'm not sure what to do next.  I've been in this situation before with Colleen and Morgan where I'm alone with a gorgeous chick and I read the situation wrong and it's led to disaster.  Lulu's so cute and jolly but she comes with this strange negative reputation that I can't figure out and I'm really attracted to her but at the same time if we were to get romantically involved whilst setting up a band and it goes badly there will be fallout....man, this is getting complicated!

What to do, Jamie?  What to do?  What would a gentleman do in this situation?

"Lulu...can I walk you home?"

"I thought you'd never ask..."

It was nice.  We talked mostly about band stuff and that Lulu thought we should all get matching suits, which she'd help us with.  A question that bubbles in the back of my mind is why she's so unpopular with the other girls at school?

"Well, this is my street, Jamie.  Thanks for walking me home."

"I can take you to your front door if you'd like."

"Just in case any attackers leap out between here and the door.  Good idea."

"Well, this is me...thanks for everything, Jamie."

"My pleasure"

And then she leans in and gives me a big hug...one of those ones that's really tight.  Wow, she sure is strong for someone so slightly built.

"Lulu...you're always so full of fun and bubbling with ideas and encouragement.  You know, I don't care what other people say about you:  You're one groovy chick."

"Thanks, that means a lot.  All you guys in the band have been really sweet...it's touching.  I...I...I've got some homework to finish off.  I'll see you soon, Jamie, real soon."

"I can't wait"

 

CHAPTER 221: Temper, temper

When Julia went to treat her first patient of the day she was surprised to find that it was someone she knew quite well:  George Sneedley.

"Good morning, George" she said cheerily but a look at the man's face soon wiped the happy expression off of her face.  "Oh dear, those are some strange markings on your face...let's see if we can get to the bottom of what's caused that."

George smiled meekly back at her.  She had always found him to be a quiet, often reticent man who only really came to life when talking about odd, often esoteric topics of conversation such as uniforms and the superiority of stockings over tights.  

"So when did these skin markings start to appear?" she asked.

"Yesterday morning"

"I see...had you bathed beforehand?" 

"I bathed the previous evening" he replied with an almost apologetic tone to his voice.

"Not a morning person then?  And did you use your regular brand of soap or a different kind?"

"No.  My regular kind."

"Did you apply anything to your skin that you wouldn't normally use such as a moisturiser?"

"NO!" replied George, sharply.  "I do not use feminine products on my skin!"

Julia didn't instantly reply, shocked as she was by George's raised voice and sharp manner.

"The only reason I asked is that sometimes women get skin rashes when applying too much make up, which clogs the pores and causes a reaction in the skin.  I know they test things so this doesn't happen but it can still happen...but obviously you wouldn't use lots of foundation make up..."

"OBVIOUSLY NOT!" George snapped again.

"Let me run some tests...it could be blood related." she said, wondering what on earth was triggering George.

As she was about to leave there came a voice over the loudspeaker.  Julia recognised it as being Harper Newell, a nurse she knew and a friend, who was speaking and there was urgency in her voice.

"Paging a crash team to the lobby...paging a crash team to the lobby.  We have a patient emergency."

Julia, without any authority, ran to the lobby to see what was going on.  She wasn't officially part of the crash team but George Sneedley's room was the closest to the lobby so she thought she could get there within seconds.

A woman was lying flat on the floor and a child was next to her, looking confused and frightened.  

"Are you her son?" asked a nurse.

"No...ma'am...erm...she just collapsed all of a sudden!" said the boy.

"Step aside, I'm coming through!  Said Julia.  She knelt down next to the woman and checked to see if she was still breathing.  "She's alive and breathing" said Julia to the crash team.  No visible signs of injury...OK, let's get her on the gurney and get her to triage" 

The team wasted no time in doing what Julia ordered and before long they'd taken her to triage, where she was then sent for further examinations.  Julia was then told she was no longer needed by more senior doctors.

She collected the swabs taken from George and took them down to the lab for analysis.  As she guessed, it was a skin allergy and easily treated.

"Sorry about before, George, but there was this emergency in the lobby and I had to attend to it."

"Huh, how selfish of them"

"Aaaaaaaanyway, George, I have your test results back and it is a skin allergy that's causing the blotches on your face.  If you're using a new kind of soap or skin treatment..."

"WHICH I'M NOT!" he said, loudly and indignantly

"...OK, then it's advisable to avoid using certain ones in future, especially those which has an oil base..like the kind you find in make up"

Julia was met with a hard stare. 

"That's just an example.  Anyway, here is a prescription for some tablets for you to take..."

George snatched the prescription, let out a loud "harumph" and ushered Julia out of his room.

At the end of her shift Julia returned home.  There was excitement and also George's strange, defensive behaviour but what she was now looking forward to was an evening at the humour and hijinks festival.  Julia was a member of the Dishonourable Company of Pranksters: Practical jokers extraordinaire.

One of the reasons she was looking forward to going was that she had invited a new friend, Blair Herrick, to join her.  Blair was a chemistry postgraduate student, intelligent, interesting to talk to and even Julia had to admit that he was a good looking man...not that being handsome rated highly in her list of things she liked about men.  No, to her, being handsome was merely a bonus.  Still, just picturing him made Julia feel....sensual.  It was a very new feeling for her to experience.

She thought about changing into an outfit that most people would consider to be more alluring but the festival usually involved someone getting a custard pie in the face, or wet, or covered in gunge so she opted for her regular, practical outfit.

She headed down to the festival and kept a sharp look out for her 'date', even though she didn't consider this to be a romantic date; it was just going to be two intelligent, sophisticated people enjoying one another's company and if anything were to arise then Julia would take a measured, calm approach and not act like a silly little girl with a crush.

She took a fortifying drink of punch from the Prankster's bowl; a secret recipe known only to the Grand Prankmaster, and sat down, awaiting the arrival of Blair.  Sure enough he arrived, looking stylish in a grey blazer and black turtleneck sweater.

"Hi, Julia.  How's it going?" he said.

"Fine...fine...I haven't been here long.  Did you find this place OK?" she replied.

"I couldn't miss it.  Signs everywhere, people handing out flyers for comedy acts.  So this is the Humour and Hijinks Festival is it?  I've never been before." said Blair.

"This is it" replied Julia, looking around her at all the other attendees; some of whom she knew.  "It's a comedy and practical jokes evening, a bit of fun.  Over there you have the Pranksters and opposite them are the Jokesters.  The Prankers like..."

"Pranking?" Blair interjected.

"That's right, so expect whoopee cushions, custard pies and buckets filled with confetti.  The Jokesters like firing off quick fire jokes and puns..."

"Ugh, puns..." Blair recoiled with a look of disgust on his face.

"I know!  Anyway we have these competitions; who can play the most practical jokes in 3 hours or who can tell the most one liners"

"It all sounds a bit silly" said Blair.

"It is.  That's the point.  A bit of levity in our otherwise serious lives.  That's why I joined; to take a break, to show a different side of myself."

"Have you always been a joker?" asked Blair.

"No...it's a recent thing.  I developed that side of my personality in college.  There were fellow med students who wanted to play practical jokes on campus but lacked ideas...so they came to me because they thought I was smart."

Next to Julia and Blair were three men talking loudly, using very florid words and terms.

"I find that when dealing with the none-too-bright and barely hominid types a well phrased witty riposte or play on words usually shuts them up as they try to work out what's been said to them."

"Jokesters..." whispered Julia.  "They're gearing up for a pun assault, I can tell."

"They're blabbing their plans!  Geez, do they have to be so loud?" said an increasingly annoyed Blair.

"For example..." continued the very loud man.  "...I was called a 'bastard' the other day and, quick as a flash, I responded with 'ah-ha!  Better to be conceived by a MISS, than to be MISconceived!' and he had no response.  No response at all!"

"Oh very witty, Damian, very witty." said one of his friends.

"No it wasn't!" said Blair out loud.  "That's just being pretentious!"

"Excuse me, sir, are you referring to my friends and I by that statement?" said a man with an immaculate pencil moustache and bright bleached blonde hair.

"Can you noisy fruits not be so loud and....so damn annoying!" said Blair, raising his voice.

"Fruits?  I'm just as God made me!" responded the blonde man with great indignation.

Julia felt Embarrassed at this scene.  "Blair, just leave things alone...it's meant to be a fun evening."

"Well...people like that get on my nerves!" said Blair.

"By people like that you mean?...." said Julia, nervously.

"Well...you know the type.  Gentlemen of the Lavender persuasion who are loud show offs.  Like that goddawful Truman Capote!  Every time he's on TV I have to change channels."  Blair's brows were furrowed and his cheeks were starting to go red.

The penny was dropping with Blair.  He had all this anger in him that he had concealed until now, the presence of three homosexual men had pushed a button in him and now he wasn't so handsome and charming.

"Look, this place isn't my scene...let's say we split from here and get a drink somewhere?" said Blair.

"I....enjoy the festival.  I'll stay." said Julia, looking disconsolate that, once again, a man who showed such promise had turned out to be a jerk.

"It's like that, is it?" said Blair, tetchily.

"It's like that" she replied.  "Goodnight, Blair."

He got up and stormed off, shaking his head all the way to the subway station.  Julia went in the opposite direction to seek some comfort by watching the stand up comic.

Julia was left with a sinking feeling that left her sick in the stomach.  Another prospect dashed.  Not even the comedy could cheer her up.

"He left you high and dry, eh?  Well, you dodged a bullet in my opinion" came a voice from her left.  Julia turned to see who was speaking to her and it was the man with bleach blonde hair.

"I left him as much as he left me.  Another winner I backed..." she said, with a heavy sigh.

The man was about to reply when there a came a voice over the loudspeaker.  "The result of tonight's contest is in.  Pranksters 7, Jokesters 4.  Therefore I declare the Pranksters to be the winner of this evening's Humour and Hijinks Festival, proudly sponsored by Crelm Toothpaste.  Crelm, for a minty fresh smile as you laugh the night away."

"Congratulations, Prankster..." said the blonde man.  "...in time honoured tradition the losing team buys the winner a drink.  Would you stay and have one?" 

"This isn't a rebound thing, is it?" asked Julia.

"Honey, you're not my type.  This is a genuine offer of camaraderie and consolation."

"Alright...I'll accept your offer but I'm done with men for the foreseeable!"

"That makes less competition for me!" said the man with a mischievous grin.  My name is Diego, what's yours?"

"Julia"

"Pleased to meet you Julia, what's your tipple of choice?"

Julia told Diego what she wanted and in a flash he went over to the Tiki Bar, snapped his fingers and was served instantly.  Almost as quickly as he had left to go to the bar, he was back with two exotic cocktails.

"Here's to comedy!" he said, raising a glass to hers.

"To comedy!" Julia replied.  "I'm sorry about my date...the things he said."

"You don't have to apologise for him being a jerk." Diego replied.

"I know I shouldn't but...that's the third time I've struck out in as many months!  I mean, I'm a doctor, a serious professional and I spent years avoiding romance and now...now..."

"You're inner romantic has been stirred up and it won't quieten down?"

"Yes!  That's it!  I'm sorry to be all 'poor me'.  I don't want to keep you from your friends..."

"They're not really my friends.  I mean, one of them stole some of my artwork back in the Spring and he's doing community service for my gallery so I tolerate him for now.  He does tell a good story though so it's not so bad being in his company."

"Are you a painter?" she asked.

"Art critic.  I haven't the time to paint.  I should but I prefer the company of people too much to be the tortured artist.  Let's see if my hopeless romantic soul can help yours.  Tonight's date was a jerk, what about the other two?"

"Blair...the guy you saw tonight, seemed alright.  He's a chemistry postgrad, intelligent, articulate and knowledgeable so I thought he'd be a good match.  Before him was Jude, a successful stockbroker, was successful and charming but he's still infatuated with his ex-wife and was such a lazy slob!  And then the guy who ruined it all for me:  Vincent."

"What was wrong with Vincent?" asked Diego.

Julia sighed.  "Nothing.  He was charming, intelligent, handsome...if you put such store in things like mere physical attractiveness...and so, so nice.  I mean selfless!  He went to work in the Congo helping victims of the civil war there."

"Oh unrequited love!  How well I know thee!" sighed Diego.  "I take it this Vincent was the catalyst for your romantic stirrings and since he left you've tried to find the nearest thing to him?"

"You seem to know me so well!" said Julia.

"Like I said, I'm a people person." said Diego.

"I don't like all this!  I want the romance to go away!  I want to be the strict professional woman of science again!"

"The genie's out of the bottle, honey.  As I see it, you've got three choices:  1, go to the Congo and find Vincent.  2, become a nun.  3.  Keep trying until you find someone as good or even better than Vincent.  Now with my list of contacts, I'm sure I can steer you in the direction of someone like that.  Let Diego Lobo be your guide!"