"I am Voldarke The Inquisitor, bow before me and quake in fear!"
"George Sneedley, is that you?" said Suzy Kent: She was handcuffed and flanked by two burly guards who were wearing black robes like George's...Voldarke's... and carried halberds. Suzy stood before George who had his study at Sneedley Burrow converted into a makeshift courtroom.
"Silence! I do not recognise the name George Sneedley of Sneedley Burrow, Bedrock Strait, Oasis Springs...address me only as Voldarke!"
"What's going on? Why am I here?" said Suzy.
"Ye be found guilty of wearing a miniskirt in a place of worship! Ye be drenched in sin...SIN! Voldarke hereby sentences you to dress as a Puritan, complete with the hat!"
"NO!" Yelled Suzy in shock and horror. All of a sudden, Suzy had gone from wearing her trademark black and white minidress, black tights and white go-go boots to wearing a long black 17th Century Puritan dress with white lace cuffs and collar, which covered her shoulders, a white apron and the conical black hat with the huge buckle on the front of it. All her make up had been removed as well.
"Oh no! I look so plain! Please, have mercy on me, Voldarke!" she wept.
"Voldarke knows not of mercy...now ye will learn traditional crafts as befitting a spinster of this parish! Ye will sew, ye will thatch and ye will.....bake bread!"
"What?"
"BAKE!" And with that a lump of dough suddenly appeared in Suzy's hands.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" asked Suzy.
"You will knead the dough....KNEEEEEEAAAAAD IT!" barked Voldarke
Suzy began to knead the dough with her hands and she burst out crying. Voldarke smiled, sinisterly and laughed.
"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA! That's it, wench, knead the dough...knead...the...dough...use more flour if you find it sticking to the surface"
"George! GEORGE! Wake up...we've got lots of things do to today!" came Edna Sneedley's voice.
"Wha?.....Urgh....Voldarke.....Oh....what a lovely dream. Yes, I'm coming dear. On my way....hmmmm 'knead the dough'..." said George as he awoke.
Edna was in the kitchen, having a little pick-me-up after her breakfast. Yes, there was a lot to do today and she needed all the energy she could muster.
"George, so lovely of you to join us" she said, with a thin smile.
"It was a very long, late shift at the hotel last night...I needed a little more sleep." he muttered in reply.
"Well, you're with us now...let me just put these dishes away and we shall reconvene in the study." she said.
Edna strode into the study and made straight for the chair behind the desk. George dutifully followed and sat down in the cosy chair.
"Now, I have already typed up the minutes of today's meeting and the agenda...just putting the finishing touches to it...I am very, excited isn't the right word as I find it to be a little vulgar, let's say 'enlivened' at the prospect of today's League of Decency meeting" she said.
"As am I, dear" George replied. "I must say I am very exci...I mean, enthusiastic at the prospect of what we're going to do today. We will strike back at the permissive society with force! Led by you, Edna Sneedley and me, Vol...erm...I mean, George Sneedley."
"That's the spirit, George. Now we will have a full compliment of members today so let's fire up the troops to action!" said Edna, triumphantly. "But right after I finish these minutes I would like to canvass the opinions of our neighbours...see if we can encourage others to join our crusade"
"Not Zest, surely!" said George.
"Oh no, not him. He's completely the wrong sort of person. No, I mean our new neighbours. I like Myra, Colin seems an upstanding sort....I'm not sure about the son, though: He's the kind of impressionable young man who could slide into depravity if there's not enough force applied to him to walk the straight and narrow path."
George and Edna went to visit their neighbours, the McGregors, to spread their Gospel. Outside their house they saw the mother, Myra, taking out the trash.
"Myra, how lovely to see you...you are looking radiant" said Edna.
"Thank you, Edna...and hello George" replied Myra. George nodded in response.
"Are you and Colin both at home today, perchance?" said Edna.
"No, it's just me and Jamie. He has a half day off from school so he's helping me around the house" replied Myra.
"Such a thoughtful young man" said Edna, smiling.
"Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?" enquired Myra.
"Oh, most kind, most kind. I wouldn't want to put you out"
"No trouble at all."
"Then George and I would like that very much" said Edna, smiling. She had her captive audience now.
George seemed distracted by the quality of the house build. "Hmm, interesting use of adobe here and the door frames seem solid enough."
"Oh, I wouldn't know about that...that's more Colin's area of expertise" Myra replied.
Edna made her way to the living room and sat down on the long sofa next to Jamie. "Hello young James; your mother was telling me how much of a help you've been around the house"
"Oh, thank you Mrs Sneedley. I do what I can" he said with a cheerful shrug.
"Yes, it seems a solid enough construction..." said George. "I've not been inside here before."
"Did you never visit here when Alan Cuffe was living here?" asked Myra.
"Certainly not!" Snapped Edna before she composed herself once again. "What I mean to say is that we've always desired this neighbourhood to be more family oriented...attracting people like yourselves."
"That's a noble suggestion" said Myra. "I noticed the other houses on our street are unoccupied...I haven't met Johnny Zest yet but Jamie has, haven't you?"
"Yeah, he seems a nice guy" said Jamie.
"We don't have much to do with Mr Zest, if that is indeed his real name. He mixes in quite different social circles to myself and George." said Edna, with a note of disdain in her voice.
"He was very helpful to me when....well, erm, it was a...uhm....math homework problem" said Jamie, not wanting Mrs Sneedley, or his mom for that matter, to know Johnny had given him dating advice.
Edna raised an eyebrow in surprise. The four of them chatted some more before Edna announced that she and George had an urgent appointment to get to.
That appointment was a meeting of the League of Decency and it was to be a very special gathering this day. First, Edna and George returned home to get changed into their uniforms. George took delight in watching Edna change into hers, the sweater and skirt flattering her still trim figure, but he was also envious...he would have to order the female version for himself one of these days. Then, the two of them laid out copies of todays agenda, some snacks and drinks for hospitality and the equipment they would need for today's impending event.
It was a full turnout of members: George, Edna, Scott Urban, Vance Mannero and Julia Epstein. Everyone had come fully attired in League colours and there was an atmosphere of anticipation and excitement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen" said Edna, handing out copies of the agenda to everyone. "Today marks our first foray into the public sphere. It is finally the time to turn all our good conversations and ideas into action and what an action it will be! For today we will strike at the number one corruptor of young minds in our fair city!"
"You mean..." said Scott.
"Yes! The offices of Hey, Wow! magazine!" declared Edna, boldly.
There was an audible gasp from everyone in in the room. "Yes! It's time to kick ass!" said Vance.
Julia gulped. Hey, Wow! was where her friend Suzy worked. Again, her loyalty to her friend and her sense of disgust at the permissive society tore at her inside. But this protest was about values and not about personalities and Julia disliked Hey, Wow!
"So what's the plan, Mrs Sneedley?" said Scott.
"Please, Scott, call me Edna" she said, reassuringly patting him on the knee. "The plan is we assemble outside of the offices of the magazine, George and Julia will lead the protests and chants, I will engage with the wider public and our two burly men here..." she said, indicating Scott and Vance "...will run 'defence'; that is, stop counter-protestors and any rabble that would try to stop us".
"I'll get the station wagon fired up" said George.
"George will drive, I will navigate, Scott, Julia and Vance in the back." declared Edna and with that the League leapt into action with purpose, vigour and resolve...
"STOP THE FILTH! STOP THE FILTH!" chanted Julia, as loud as she could. A hippy walked past her and looked at her sign.
"Yeah, babe, we gotta stop the filth, the cops and all the pigs" he said.
"No, no, no, that's not what I meant! I mean actual filth, you know...smut" replied Julia.
The hippy looked at her as if she were an alien "that's weird!" he said as he walked off.
"STOP THE SMUT! STOP THE SMUT!" chanted Julia, this time.
"DOWN WITH MINISKIRTS!" chanted George. A couple of Hey, Wow! employees...both young women wearing miniskirts themselves...looked at George with his sign and giggled at him. One made the sign of a square with her fingers and they both walked into the building.
Edna wasn't so much chanting, more like giving a speech. She had a megaphone and had it at full volume, deafening passers-by with it.
"GOOD CITIZENS OF SIM CITY...HEY, WOW IS A CORRUPTING INFLUENCE ON THE MORALS OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE. WITH ITS SALACIOUS AND DISGUSTING CONTENT, IT PROMOTES LOOSE MORALS, PROMISCUITY AND SKIMPY CLOTHING!"
"Does it really?" said a man passing by "I must get me a copy! PHWOAR!" he said in a lecherous voice before running off.
The chants, the rants and appeals to morality didn't register with the people who walked by. No one stopped to listen and the protest seemed to either be met with eye rolling disbelief from the public or cool indifference. Vance and Scott returned to meet up with Edna and the others.
"Well, did you encounter any opposition?" asked Edna.
"None at all" said Vance, shaking his head. "Not one stinking hippy, long hair or freak."
"Well that is disappointing!" huffed Edna. "I don't know...we've tried but our blows aren't landing today"
"I've got my next shift to get to, Edna" said Scott.
"Yes, I have a meeting I have to get to as well. It's been an interesting and informative exercise though." said Julia.
"Alright then, meeting adjourned" sighed Edna. The signs were put away, the megaphone stowed and everyone got back into George's 1963 Ford Galaxie Country Sedan to make their way home to Oasis Springs. The mood inside the car was sombre all the way back to Sneedley Burrow, where everyone said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.
"Well, George, that was very humiliating, very!" said Edna, visibly upset by this afternoon's experience.
"We had everything planned" sighed George.
"We'll have to have a full inquest and investigation into what went wrong" said Edna.
"Inquest? That reminds me of something...hmmm...anyway, maybe it's the youth of today being so far gone..."
"No, George! I won't give up on our precious youth! But there's got to be a way to get through to them, we just haven't found it yet...oh, I have a sick headache; I must lie down...then I can begin the inquisition"
"Oh, I've remembered that thing! I have to go into work to bake some bread rolls...strange how an inquiry reminded me of bread baking...anyway, must go dear...stay firm"
As soon as he left, Edna found the Aspirin wasn't working so instead of a lie down she headed straight for the Solar Flare lounge.
"Hello, Mrs Sneedley...your usual?" said the bartender.
"Make it a double" she replied.
"...and the worst part is....the worst part..." she said, heavily slurring her words, "...is the indifference. No one cares...no one cares at all anymore...another double gin and tonic, bartender!"
"Mrs Sneedley, I think you've had enough" replied the barkeep.
"I will tell you when I've had enough! I am the paying customer and I'm always right! That's in the...in the...in one of the amendments of our constitution I'll have you know. I forget which one...anyway, I want another drink young man....or woman...it's hard to tell and that's another thing that's wrong with the world today: You can't tell a man from a woman or vice versa...all that long hair the men have...pretty soon they'll be wearing dresses and where will we be? Exactly! That's where! Now get a haircut and a job...although you have a job so get a haircut, but only if you're a boy...for a girl...that's optional....get it styled. I will now briefly retire to the bathroom and when I return I expect a double gin and tonic right there" she said, jabbing her finger on the counter in front of her.
She tried to maintain an air of dignity and poise as she weaved her way around the tables and chairs of the lounge, only bumping into one standard lamp along the way. The rest of the staff and clientele could see she was drunk and knew what was probably going to happen in the bathroom...
"You're alright, Edna...you're fine, you're in control...." she said to herself but deep inside her body was protesting. As soon as the words left her lips, closely following behind was a jet of vomit.
The scene was....unpleasant. Fortunately for the Solar Flare club, most ended up in the toilet and that which didn't ended up on her clothes. Edna went pale, tried to brush the mess off her blouse, and then staggered back out into the club.
"Are you OK, Mrs Sneedley?" asked the bartender.
"I might....need...a...taxi...home..." she stammered. The other patrons looked on with a mixture of shock and disgust at her appearance. The bartender went to fetch a phone but Edna suddenly stumbled and fell to her knees. A patron, a big, burly man with a luxurious beard and wearing a pink blazer, stepped in to help her up.
"I also need a shower" said Edna, meekly. The man, and others standing near her, recoiled at the stench that emanated from her.
"Indeed you do madam" said the burly man.
"There's nothing here of that sort" said the barman. "The gymnasium next door has though"
"Ah...what a bit of good fortune. I am a member there! I even have my own locker..." said Edna, trying to sound a note of triumph.
"I will help you to reach there, Madam...before you reach again..." said the burly man.
"Oh most kind, Mr?"
"Madsen. Nikolai Madsen, at your service....uuurrruuggghhh" he said, bristling at the sick smell.
Madsen helped Edna walk the few steps to the next door gym but it was not the kind of escorting of a lady he liked...more, this was a duty: Part chivalry, part that he wanted the staff at the Solar Flare to forget about his ever increasing bar tab.
The fresh air outside sobered Edna up a little and she headed straight for the showers. As she came more to her senses, her sadness at the protest's failure was mixed with another emotion: Shame. She had humiliated herself in the Solar Flare now; everyone right now will be talking about her drunken behaviour. OK, she thought to herself, I had one too many...I was sad, I was upset, I drank a little too much but reputation is everything in this town and she had lost some of her good name back there. She swore never to get drunk in public ever again.
After her shower and a chance to freshen up, she went to her own personal locker and found a clean tracksuit she could wear. Then she decided to sweat the booze out of her...a training run was required. She'd show them all! Edna Sneedley would not be held back by a couple of setbacks!
