CHAPTER 239: The Intern Blues

 

"Why is there so much evil in people?" Julia thought to herself.  She hadn't been at work long and today's list of patients showed the dark side of life in the city.  A stabbing victim, a woman who had been beaten by her pimp until her face was unrecognisable and a young man who had overdosed on heroin had required her attention either fully or in part with other doctors.  And they weren't much source of encouragement either:  One of the senior surgeons seemed to have a callous indifference to these patients as he kept muttering about how dealing with the dregs was preventing him from operating on better, more wealthier invalids.  Other junior doctors cracked bad taste jokes about the sick.  Her work colleagues weren't as nice or friendly as those she had known and worked with since she started at this hospital:  Harper was now on nights, Francesca took on a senior administrative role which paid better and she needed to earn more money to look after her daughter on her own.  And as for fellow doctors, she was still haunted by memories of Vincent Bledsoe...

She took a moment to calm herself down in the bathroom mirror; she was a professional and she had to put her feelings to one side in order to do her job properly.  She left the bathroom and grabbed a medical chart for a Mr J.J. Gotcha.

James Jefferson Gotcha, age 46, resident of Sim City, profession:  Businessman.  Symptoms:  Spiral warts, coated tongue, bowel moths, torpid liver...eugh, this sounds rough, thought Julia.

When she entered Mr Gotcha's cubicle he managed to stir himself slightly from his bed.

"Well helloooooooooo nurse!" he muttered.

"Not nurse.  Doctor.  I am Doctor Julia Epstein and I will be dealing with your case.  Now I have a list of symptoms but I would like to perform some tests on you."

"You can perform any test you like, Doctor" he said, trying to sound flirtatious but with a raspy wheeze to his voice.

"Please, Mr Gotcha, try to take this seriously and less with the attempts at a witty come-on.  There are strict rules about doctors and patients fraternising; rules which I adhere to 100%."

"Now you're just playing hard to get..." he replied, forcing a smile on his face.

"I think your wife might object" she said, pointing to his wedding ring.

"Dang!  I keep forgetting to remove that!" 

"OK, now sit up, Mr Gotcha...I'm going to do an examination which might hurt you more than it hurts me..."

After her shift Julia made her way home.  All the while she kept thinking about all the sleazy men she had encountered at work since she started at the hospital.  It was mostly patients who were trying to hit on her but by now she had heard every cringeworthy pick up line that was out there, endured some pinched bottoms and even some gropes.  It made her seethe inside and she had even complained to her boss, Dr Murakami.

"I know it is unacceptable behaviour and we have strict rules but we must treat patients, no matter how leery they get.  Goodness knows how many comments and inappropriate physical contact I have had over the years, Dr Epstein, but we can't go running for help every time a louche man tries his luck with female staff.  It's just the way some men are."

"But there has to be a deterrent, Dr Murakami!  Something that will make men think twice!"

"What, call security?  A waste of their time.  No, you have to learn to brush the minor annoyances of these patients off...it's what women have been doing for all time."

"But if these men cross the line....I mean, there's got to be a word for this kind of activity...sex discrimination...."

"If you feel truly threatened, and your safety is at risk yes, call security.  But those same leery men are looking for weaknesses in women...they resent us being doctors, lawyers and scientists and they'll try to make us look weak.  Don't give them that excuse!"

Julia was annoyed at how blasé Dr Murakami was, but given her older age and growing up in a more traditional Japanese-American environment, she had accepted her role and limits in a way Julia hadn't.  Well, sex pests was something to bring up at the next League of Decency meeting.

Julia had decided to play host for the next meeting and had made some cookies for everyone.  Then she got changed into her League uniform...she knew George and Edna were sticklers for detail so she made sure she cut no corners with looking smart.

The first guest to arrive was the newest recruit:  Vance Mannero.  

"Hello, Vance, you're the first here...would you like a sugar cookie?" she asked, being the perfect polite hostess.

"I would, thanks.  It's been a while since we all met together for League business" said Vance, gruffly, as he took a cookie.

"It has.  I suppose with Geoffrey Landgraab's death and him being our benefactor we haven't had much time to get together.  Do the police still think it was an accidental death?"

"As far as I know, yes.  They haven't ruled out suicide either...anyway, it's not my case; Homicide are on it."

Julia looked shocked at the word 'homicide' and tried to find something else to talk about.

"So....what do you think of men who pester women at their place of work?" she asked.

After getting Vance's opinion on the subject, which involved rubber hoses and alleyways to teach people a lesson, the others began to arrive for the meeting.  Julia hadn't put together an agenda or anything, this was more about getting the club together for a social gathering in preparation for something more serious in the near future.

The male members of the league gathered around the kitchen table to eat the cookies, the women sat of the sofa and George kind of went between the two groups, not sure which one to gravitate towards more.

Julia told Edna her thoughts and worries about men being sex pests and Edna nodded appreciatively before letting out a little chuckle and waving her hand dismissively.

"Oh I know all about that sort of thing, my dear" she said, heartily.  "I have a slap that's more powerful than my slight figure would suggest.  I recommend you develop a powerful slap as well...works wonders."

"Mind you, I don't meet many of those sort of men...and my George is never anything less than a gentleman, aren't you, dear?"

"Yes Edna." said George, meekly.

"If you can't keep a man in line verbally, you need to dissuade them with force" said Edna, emphatically.

"I'm not a physical person, Edna, and I dislike confrontation of that sort" said Julia.  "I just hate the way some men view me as a kind of object.  I mean, they just look at you and without getting to know you or your personality or mind they just lust after you!"

"I'm going to get some cookies." said George, uncomfortably.  His memory still fresh from Geoffrey Landgraab lusting after him when he was being Beulah.

"Julia, don't think I'm unsympathetic" said Edna, after they too grabbed a few cookies for themselves.  "I think what's going wrong with men is this permissive society.  I blame the war; everyone back then thought this would be their last time to...well...you know...have carnal knowledge so standards went woosh, straight out of the window!"

"I think one of our missions in the League is to make men gentlemen again.  We need fewer men like The Rolling Stones and more like Cary Grant.   I will add that to our next agenda." said Edna.

An idea was now percolating in her mind...yes, a new quest...and one that would take a swipe at Alan Cuffe and his pornography empire.

The amiable chatter went on and everyone agreed that a good plan to put into practice would be to encourage better gentlemanly behaviour from men which was in line with the League of Decency's charter.  One by one the guests left but Scott Urban volunteered to stay behind to help Julia tidy up.

"That's very kind of you, Mr Urban, but I can do this..." said Julia.

"It's Scott, ma'am, and I don't mind helping.  I sure did like those cookies and had more than my fair share so the least I can do is help you tidy up." he replied.

He grabbed some plates and coffee cups and took them over to one of Julia's two sinks in the kitchen area.  

"Those dishes go in the right hand one, Scott" said Julia.

"Yup, got it...I was forgetting you are of the Jewish persuasion and that y'all have two kitchen sinks" 

"That's alright, Scott, but I'm impressed that you know about that.  Not many people do and I'm always being asked why there are two sinks."

"I like to do my research, Miss Julia.  Anyways, I really dug what you had to say about men being gentlemen and I agree:  I was brought up in a small town where there were good Christian values...well, I mean, Jewish values are also in line with the whole...erm...godliness thing...I mean no offence."

"None taken.  Do you know, Scott, this morning I was down in the dumps about how men are just letches these days but this meeting tonight...you, George and Vance, have restored my faith a little.  George is always a courteous and faithful husband, you are always polite and respectful and Vance...well...I guess he's there for when men step out of line...."

"Yup, he sure is like that, nyuk" said Scott with a smile and a chuckle.

"Are you in a rush, Scott?  I can't face any more paperwork this evening and I was just going to have a glass of wine and relax in front of the TV but if you'd like to stay a bit more then you're more than welcome because I'm enjoying our conversation."

Scott gulped and nodded.  "That would be mighty fine, Miss Julia."  he said, his heart starting to pound faster.  He had a crush on Julia but he realised he was a working class boy from a small town and an army background whereas Julia was intelligent, well educated and sophisticated.  But just a few minutes in her company made him feel happy.  Maybe the divide between them was too vast but...then...maybe not if the stars aligned just right?

CHAPTER 229: Don't Tell The Wife

Edna couldn't quite put her finger on it but George was acting out of character lately.  He seemed more emotional and quick to change mood.  One minute he was talking about his work in great detail, the next he would look furtively out of the living room window as if he had feared something that lurked outside...

"George, is there something bothering you?  You seem a bit jumpy at the moment" she said, quizzically.

"Oh nothing in particular, my love...I've got a lot on my plate work wise..." he said defensively.

"My love?  You don't usually talk in such a flowery manner..." 

"Don't I?  Well, maybe I don't heap enough praise on you for all the wonderful things you do, Sugar Pie"

"George!  Mind your language!  We have a League of Decency meeting later today and it sends out the wrong message if you go around calling me 'sugar pie' in public."

"Sorry dear...I will mind my manners when we're out there"

And out there was Uptown San Myshuno, the heart of the city.  Edna was scoping out the scene because in a few hours the League of Decency were going to hold a rally there.  Already hanging around there was a young man with a Beatnik style beard and glasses (at least Edna thought he looked the Beatnik type) who was checking a large and professional looking camera.  She decided to approach him.

"Hello there, Edna Sneedley; the League of Decency...thank you for coming along today.  Now we shall be assembling over there, by the fountain, where there will be some speakers and a more informal discussion with members of the public.  You can position yourself anywhere you like as long as you don't block the speaker whilst they're giving a talk and if you want any shots of myself then please don't hesitate to ask....after all, I have a great respect for our Fourth Estate...."

The man looked confused.  "Excuse me, Miss Sneedley...I have no idea what you're talking about."

Now it was Edna's turn to look confused.  "But aren't you here to cover the League of Decency rally?"

"No, ma'am, I'm here for a publicity shoot for rising pop star Lisa Richardson"

At that moment a lively young blonde woman popped up next to the photographer and introduced herself.  "Hey there, Lisa Richardson...Lil' Lisa according to my publicist.  Groovy to meet you...I don't discriminate against my older fans."

Edna shook her head and just walked off.  

She went to get a drink from somewhere but there was only one coffee shack in the area and none of the bars around here were open so a coffee it would have to be.  She cursed under her breath that she didn't bring along a hip flask of something stronger with her today.  However, she didn't have much time to rue that decision as a very flamboyantly dressed young man who sported a very thin moustache and obviously dyed blonde hair approached her.

"This much talent..." he said, cryptically, holding his thumb and forefinger close together to indicate a tiny amount.

"I beg your pardon?" replied Edna.

"That Lisa Richardson, she's got practically no talent, no personality but she has a good agent and can pout for the camera.  May I join you?" said the young man, indicating an empty seat opposite Edna.

"Erm, why, yes...I don't see why not.  So you know that young, brash and overly self-confident girl, do you?"

"For my sins, alas yes." he replied, sitting down.  "I have to in my line of work:  Style critic."

Now Edna wouldn't normally approve of a man like this one who dressed in an outrageous manner, dyed his hair blonde and with a camp voice but something about his blunt cynicism appealed to her.

"A style critic you say?  And how are you with all the latest styles and fads?" she asked, probingly.

"Fads come, fads go...style endures.  I don't care if it's mini, midi or sackcloth as long as it's worn with class.  I mean, look at the models...Suzy Parker, Jean Shrimpton and Colleen Corbett; all classy.  Marianne Faithful and Lisa Richardson; trashy.  By the way my name is Diego Lobo...and you are?"

"Edna Sneedley; Chairwoman of The League of Decency." 

"Oh so YOU'RE the Edna Sneedley I've heard about.  Enchante, madam"

He had heard of her...now she was liking him more.

"Yes I am, Mr Lobo.  I hope what you've heard is all good."

"Honey, I've heard so many things about you:  Good and bad.  I neither approve nor disapprove of your organisation:  If it gets rid of nasty, cheap fashion I'm all on board.  Now might I say you have a strong look going there, Mrs Sneedley...may I call you Edna?  Good.  You look a lot like Joan Crawford but I would suggest updating the look:  Jackie Kennedy's Chanel style needs an update.  Do check out Pierre Cardin, I think he would suit you."

"Oh Mr Lobo, you do flatter me....but DO go on..."

Meanwhile George was about to begin the opening speech of the League's meeting.  "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.  My name is George Sneedley, vice-chair and membership secretary of The League of Decency...today we have many guest speakers addressing a wide variety of topics including lawlessness, the fight against Communism, jaywalking, littering, public health and sexual mores....but first up is Dr Julia Epstein of Willow Creek Community hospital to talk about the importance of child health in our local community..."

There was a small ripple of applause from the small crowd as Julia walked up to the podium.  Acknowledging her audience she began her talk in a hesitant tone until she found her confidence as her topic became more technical about medicine.

Afterwards Edna was approving of Julia's speech but still took the time to lightly criticise her presentation.  "On the whole, very good, young Julia but you need to hook your audience in with your opening statement... I recommend beginning with something startling and terrifying to really grip the crowd!"

George came over to chat with the two ladies.  "What did you think, George?  About Julia's speech?" asked Edna.

"Oh quite nice, actually.  Quite nice" he said, in a faintly vague manner as if his mind was elsewhere.

Edna was too busy looking around for a member of the public in attendance to give a League leaflet to so she didn't notice George's manner, but Julia did.

"George..." Julia began "are you alright?  I saw you at the Blue Velvet Bar last night and you seemed distracted..."

"No you didn't" snapped back George.

"I'm sure I did...we spoke outside the bar..."

"I wasn't in the bar and if I were I wasn't distracted" he again snapped but in a hushed tone that wouldn't alert Edna.

"Now here comes our next speaker, Scott..." interjected Edna, who hadn't paid any attention to Julia and George.  "Now have you still got that schedule George?  We must keep to the schedule"

"Yes dear...it's your turn to announce the speaker, Edna" he said, glancing at his clipboard.

"Right, best get to it!" she replied.  She then made a clicking noise with her lips, as if to indicate thirst.  "I wish there was a place to get a drink around here..."

She approached the podium and smiled at the crowd.  "I am very pleased to introduce our next speaker.  A brave young man who gave 4 years of his life to our fine military in defence of our nation against the Communist aggressor...Technical Sergeant Scott Urban, now Mr Scott Urban..."

Scott stood behind the podium and began his speech.  "It was during basic training back at Fort Hood, Texas, where I had a personal epiphany...It was on viewing a training film about syphilis..."

Whilst the speech went on and Edna watched on, enthralled, Julia took the time to approach George privately.

"George, I did see you in the bar last night...if there's anything you want to talk about, remember I am a doctor and what you tell me is in the strictest confidence."

George bit his bottom lip before responding but eventually he spoke.  "Yes...I was in the Blue Velvet last night but please don't tell Edna!  It's not her kind of establishment.  She went in there once but ended up having a furious row with that Suzy Kent woman.  I don't know what possessed me to go in there last night but...lately...things have been a little...erm...how can I describe this?  Well...it's like I have two lives at the moment...and it's juggling them with the knowledge that I have...I...I...well, it began as a simple thing, really, and it got out of control...and now I know things I shouldn't and I don't understand them either..."

Julia couldn't make head nor tail of what he was saying but it sounded like he was trying to confess to having an affair.  She tried to respond, tactfully.

"Is there...another woman, George?" she asked.

Again, he didn't immediately respond but looked down at the ground at his feet and then he did another thing she found strange:  He looked at hers and with a tilt of his head his gaze went slowly upwards, looking at Julia all the way.

"No...well, yes...well, kind of, but not in an infidelity way.  You know in the Bible there's the part about thinking about another woman is the same as knowing them?  I mean, you must have that in your version..."

"The Talmud?  Yes, I know the reference.  So is this about desiring another woman?"

"No...well, possibly, only...well, this other woman's more of an ideal than an actual person.  It's something within me...except it's not that simple as it's about what I...and she...witnessed..."

"But this person doesn't exist?" asked an increasingly confused Julia.

George shook his head and said "No, forget it...just don't tell Edna that you saw me in that bar!" before he walked away.

Everything after that was an anti-climax for both George and Julia but Edna was buoyed up by a crowd of nearly 30 people showing up and listening to the speeches; not all at the same time, however.  George went home to get changed for work but Edna wanted to continue her canvassing by going to see an old acquaintance:  Nancy Landgraab. 

Nancy was there to answer the door and she greeted Edna with a warm-ish smile.  "Edna, what a pleasant surprise, do come in."

"Thank you, Nancy...once again, my condolences on dear Geoffrey's untimely passing.  How are you coping?"

"Well enough; fortunately I'm kept busy with the business, the Landgraab Foundation and all our subsidiaries.  My father has returned to help run the company and Malcolm has been such a blessing in this troubling time.  Come through to the sitting room...would you like a drink?"

"Oh would I ever!" said Edna, smiling enthusiastically.

They walked through to the spacious lounge where Nancy poured Edna a whisky and soda.  "So..." began Nancy as she handed Edna the drink "...how have you and George been keeping?"

"We're fine...in fact doing quite well.  We had a League of Decency rally today and it was a qualified success if I do say so myself."

"Do have a seat, Edna.  I know my Geoffrey was always supportive of your cause."

"He was, Nancy, our biggest supporter.  I've also spoken with your father; a great man and he too was enthusiastic about what we do."

"Was he really?" replied Nancy, raising an eyebrow.  "Well, we've got some shared values, Edna.  You and your organisation are broadly aligned.  We do still have the same enemies..."

"Oh yes...pests.  As it happens I'm running for office; for city councillor."

"Yes, but there's still people that need bringing down, Edna.  I think that needs to be a priority." Nancy said, emphatically.

"Well, I can be more effective if I'm on the council"

"Yes, indeed.  And, frankly, the Fengs need pulling down a peg or two."

"So can I count on your support?" said Edna, pushing her point.

"Hmmm....yes, I think you can.  Anyway, I must be getting on Edna.  I'll see you to the door and hope to see you again." said Nancy.

The two women stood up and Nancy escorted Edna to the door.  Edna felt pleased to secure Landgraab support and she felt emboldened as she headed back down the valley to Bedrock Strait.  George wasn't home yet but Edna felt she deserved a victory drink.

CHAPTER 197: Decoys

 

George had retreated to the underground bunker beneath their house, partly to gather his thoughts and partly to avoid his wife, Edna.  In the last month his life had shifted radically with him increasingly spending more time as his alter ego, Beulah Boutee.  What had begun as his quirky little crossdressing habit now took up three days a week dressed up as a woman for about 6 hours a day in his second job as a maid for the Landgraabs, he had to adopt a feminine voice, mannerisms and was even working on a backstory for Beulah.  It was starting to get to him and he found that he was spending less time in Edna's company as his daytimes were spent at the Landgraab's mansion whilst Edna was at work and then when she got home he had to go to his regular job at the hotel restaurant as George.

So here he was, wondering what education, upbringing and previous dating life Beulah would have, what extra items of clothing she'll need and how to reject the amorous advances of Geoffrey Landgraab...which was another level of stress he/she had to deal with.  He started a game of "Don't Wake The Llama" to help him calm down.  He had only just finished setting up the game when Edna came downstairs into the bunker.

"Ah, George, this is where you are" she said, striding into the room.

"Just enjoying a little quiet time, Dear" he replied.

"Do you mind if I join in with you?  We can have a little chat whilst we're playing" she said, sitting down in front of him before she received approval from her husband.

"I must warn you, Edna, I have been practicing...this time it'll be my turn to win!" he declared.

The game began and as Edna took her turn to pull a stick out from the pile she outlined her plans to George.

"You see, George, I've been thinking about how to raise my political profile and, by extension, that of the League of Decency's as well.  Ah, yes, got it." she said in triumph as she carefully removed a stick.

"And what conclusions have you drawn, my dear?" said George, whose steady hand removed a stick easily.

"We need more allies...careful now...careful now...ah, got it!  Yes, allies George.  That is why I've invited a guest to our humble abode today.  Someone who might be able to aid our cause."

George took his time before answering Edna as he carefully withdrew another stick.  Eventually he asked the obvious question: "Who is this person?"

"Her name is Chastity Faulkner and she's vice-president of the Britechester Young Republicans." replied Edna, taking another stick from the increasingly wobbly stack.

"How are they going to help the League?" asked George, still keeping his cool and taking out yet another stick.

"They have reach in the student world" Edna replied.  "That is a key demographic to target.  I've thought this all out."

Edna reached for the stack but her hand started shaking.  She inched it towards the pile but as she got closer the shakes intensified.

"Sounds like you have this worked out, Edna, but be careful not to overreach..." said George.  Edna touched the pile, her hand still trembling, but as she tried to remove a stick from it the whole remaining stack with the Llama on top came crashing down.

"It's a stupid game anyway!" said Edna with an indignant huff.  She stood up and went upstairs leaving George to tidy up.

Edna had her own chores to complete before Miss Chastity Faulkner arrived at Sneedley Burrow.  She inspected the general state of the house and found it to be satisfactory.  Their cleaning lady, Beulah, had done a good job of late in keeping the Burrow clean.  Little did she know that was yet another secret task George was doing in order to keep the Beulah pretence going.

Eventually the guest arrived and Edna ushered her in with her customary gush and grandiose gesturing.

"Ah Miss Faulkner, how wonderful of you to come to our little corner of Oasis Springs.  I trust your journey wasn't onerous?"

"Not at all, Mrs Sneedley, and please do call me Chastity" said the young woman, who was a striking looking young blonde woman...of student age but she looked far more mature and carried herself in a very confident manner.  On the surface of things there was much about Chastity that she did not approve of:  The extremely short hemline of her dress, the boyish hairstyle and the elaborate eye make up favoured by the youth of today would normally have Edna publicly decrying her but even the fearsome Edna Sneedley realised that the potential usefulness of Miss Faulkner and her Young Republicans outweighed the girl's fashion sense:  There would be time to steer her away from the "mod" fashions later, for now there was much politicking to be done.

"Do come through to the lounge area and make yourself comfortable.  My husband, George, will make us some fresh coffee.  He's a chef, you know?" said Edna, pointing to one of the couches.

"Thank you, Mrs Sneedley.  This is a very nice place you've got here" said Chastity.

"One tries to maintain as nice a home as one can.  We're such busy people, Chastity, we've even hired a cleaner to keep our house in good order." said Edna, with a hint of pride in telling someone they had a cleaner.

Chastity sat on one end of the sofa with Edna right next to her.  As she was done with small talk, Edna was now ready to get straight to business.

"Are you aware of The League of Decency, Chastity?" she asked.

"Only that I've heard the name; am I right in assuming that it's an organisation devoted to moral standards?" the younger woman replied.

"That is exactly it:  We lobby local government, organise events and have discussions on what is wrong with society today and how far it has strayed from conventional, decent behaviour that our parents...or in your case, grandparents...upheld."

"That all sounds good, Mrs Sneedley" said Chastity.  

"How nice of you to say so" Edna replied with a faint smile.  "I suppose campus life must be fraught with all kinds of debauchery and be difficult for the Young Republicans?"

Chastity pondered the question before answering.  She tilted her head in thought before responding.  "Yes and no.  Yes, there are demonstrations about all kinds of things; mostly it's just people my age having a tantrum if you ask me.  And there's all kind of things students get up to Mrs Sneedley that you and your League would hate:  Wild parties, drugs, drunkenness and...I hope you don't mind me using the word here...sex."

"Ugh, such an ugly word" said Edna, with a shudder.  "Outside of marriage it should be banned!"

"But none of those things I mentioned are the real problem" continued Chastity.

"They aren't?" remarked Edna, inquisitively.  She hadn't expected that answer from the girl.

Chastity shook her head.  "The loose living with the young is merely a symptom, like acne.  It's noticeable but the true cause lurks underneath.  Mrs Sneedley, the young aren't your enemy:  It's the Communists."

"Well I always suspected..." said Edna

"...The Communists flood the campuses with their propaganda and along with it the drugs.  If you want your League to be really effective you have to root out the Communists."

"Well this is very interesting if I might say so..." said Edna, suddenly intrigued by this confident young woman.

"You see, as well as my involvement with the Republicans I am also the representative of the John Birch Society on campus." 

"That would be the anti-Communist society?  I've heard of them.  Well I must tell you my George fought in Korea against the Chinese and North Koreans so he's played his part in the fight."

"But there are going to be more fights to come, Mrs Sneedley.  Maybe not in uniform..."

"The League does have a uniform as a matter of fact"

"Not as part of the armed services but each one of us must be prepared to fight in the classrooms, in our workplaces and in our communities.  I'd love to explain this more to you and your husband..."

"I'll just fetch him, he won't want to miss this.  And if you'll excuse me, I must grab a notepad and pen to take down some of what you're saying:  I'm so glad we could meet and talk" Edna said, resting a hand gently on Chastity's arm before getting up and leaving the room.

In the kitchen George was preparing a fresh pot of coffee but Edna interrupted him.  "George, this meeting's going well but you should be in there as well...Chastity has some very interesting things to say about fighting the Communists."

"But I've already done that!" replied George, thinking about his time in the Navy.

"No, what she means is more rooting out and challenging Communists in our day to day lives rather than re-enlisting."

"Oh..." he said, realising the context at last.  George went into the lounge with the fresh coffee pot and set it down on an occasional table.  Then he turned to look at the striking young woman sitting on the couch.

"Mr Sneedley, I was saying to your wife earlier that you have a really nice house" she said.

"Thank you.  Credit must go to her; she designed a lot of it." he said, pouring a drink for her and handing it over.  George looked more closely at Chastity and inspected her dress.  Yes, it was far too short but since becoming Beulah his objections to mini skirts had abated and now a sense of envy was creeping in to his thoughts.  He really liked the false shirt collar and cuffs on Chastity's dress and the cravat was a definite plus.

George was looking at the details of Chastity's outfit so much he was only half listening to her.  Something, something, Communist, something, take direct action...His gaze eventually went from her collar upwards to her face and, once again, he was struck by her appearance; this time, it was her eye make up.  The next time he was Beulah he should try that pale eyeshadow and dark pencil line around the upper part of the eyelid.

Edna had returned to the lounge and now George snapped out of his daydream and started to pay attention to what the two women were saying.

"Mrs Sneedley, I have a request to ask you and your organisation" said Chastity, putting her coffee cup down on the table firmly.  "The John Birch Society has a guest speaker coming to give a talk and we expect trouble from the opposition."

"Opposition?" asked Edna.

"The communists.  Our speaker, who I can't name here and now because I'm bound by a strict confidentiality agreement..."

"I quite understand" interjected Edna.

"...has received numerous threats from the communists in the build up to this talk and, frankly, we are few in number and could do with some reinforcements."  

"Are you expecting violence?  Because our number boasts a former soldier, a policeman a doctor...in case of injuries...and then there's George as well." said Edna, pointing to her husband.

"You what, dear?" came George's startled reply.

"I'm fairly certain it won't come to actual violence, Mr and Mrs Sneedley, but we need more of a counter-protest.  To distract them whilst we smuggle the speaker into the venue.  It's at Pepper's Pub and we need your people there from about 7pm."

"That's an offer we can't refuse!  Count us in!"

"That's great news" said Chastity, smiling.  "Well, I must be off to arrange things in advance of this evening but I will hope to see you...and meet more of your society...this evening."  And with that Chastity stood up with Edna showing her to the door accompanied with plenty of fawning.

"What a lovely, strong and determined woman she was" said Edna to George after Chastity had left.  "Her dress sense could do with improving though..."

"I rather liked the collar and cravat combination..." said George.

"Yes, it's rather like mine.  Now, we have no time to waste before this evening!  I'll phone the rest of the league.  Tonight, we go into battle!"

"Is that wise, dear?" asked George, not wanting to get into a fist fight down at Pepper's Pub.

"We've been waiting for an opportunity to make our presence felt, this is it.  Oh, and whilst I remember...I would like to meet Beulah sometime soon; thank her for her sterling work."

"Beulah!  I'm not sure that's possible!" said George, panicking all of a sudden.

"I'm sure you'll find a way, George.  Now, so much to do before this evening..."

Pepper's Pub: 7:30pm

The League of Decency had assembled in their entirety outside of the old pub in Britechester.  However, not all of them were able to wear their League uniforms.  Nonetheless, all of them had made sure they could be in attendance:  As well as Edna and George there was Scott Urban, Vance Mannero and Julia Epstein.

"What's the plan, Edna?" asked Vance.

"We're going to occupy this space here to make sure the guest speaker and Chastity Faulkner's people can get access to and from the pub entrance.  We shall place ourselves as a human barrier to ward off the protesters."

"...and if any try to get handy with their fists I'll strike back...hard!" said Vance, pounding his fist into the palm of his other hand.

"That's the spirit, Vance" said Edna, calmly.

Edna produced a placard that read "SUPPORT OUR POLICE", a leftover from a previous planned demonstration but she thought it was still valid for this evening and the others were deployed in an ad hoc arrangement around the sidewalk just outside the pub with Julia designated the one who would talk to the public about what this counter-demonstration was about.

It was now 7:45pm and the anticipated demonstrators were starting to arrive.  Unlike the League of Decency who were (mostly) in their blue and black uniforms, the left wing protesters were a mixed bunch of long haired hippies, angry young black men who wore Black Panther emblems and young white students who appeared to have come from affluent backgrounds judging by their young and fashionable clothing.  Even in trying to dress down to create a proletarian image their sandals, fringed jackets and beatnik clothing carried the signs of designer gear.

"FASCIST PIGS!" 

"NAZI SCUM!"

"HEY! HEY! ERE! ERE! WE DON'T WANT NO FASCISTS HERE!" 

The protesters had bought a loudhailer with them and were beginning to chant their slogans in unison.  The League stood on the other side of the road in a line, some of them looking more nervous than the others.  The road that separated the pub from the bridge was the line in the sand both sides occupied from different edges.

"NAZIS!" cried one protester, looking directly over the road towards Edna and her group.

"Actually, not true" piped up Julia in a polite and school ma'am voice.  "My surname is Epstein"

The factual correction went unheeded and the protesters continued chanting slogans at the League.

"GET OUT OF VIETNAM!" cried out a lone protester.

"Shhh!  Wrong demonstration!  We're doing the anti-war one on Saturday" said another in admonition.

"Ohhhh, my bad!" said the errant protester.

The stand off between the two groups went on for another 15 minutes and Edna checked her watch as Chastity and her group were late.  Maybe there was another demonstration down the road and the protesters were blocking the road?  There was no way of knowing right now and tensions were high amongst both protesters and counter-protesters.

 "Where are they, Edna?  The John Birch Society?  Those communists over there are getting agitated and there's only five of us!" said George in frustration.

Edna drew a deep breath before answering him.  "I admit, this is concerning..." she eventually said.

A young man wearing a short brown suede jacket and with a trendy, floppy fringed Beatle cut came hurtling around the corner, out of breath.

"Hey everyone!  This isn't the meeting place!  It's a distraction!  The Fascists switched venues at the last minute....these pathetic old fools are merely a decoy!" he gasped.

There was a general commotion among both groups as this new information was processed.  The left wing demonstrators broke up as a group and made their way home in small groups, all grumbling and with some giving the League of Decency some rude gestures before they left the area.

"Decoys..." said George.

"They just needed us to be decoys..." said Vance.

The League members were disconsolate.  The only advantage they had now was that they had complete access to Pepper's Pub.  Edna led the way inside...she really needed a drink as she hadn't had one since they left Sneedley Burrow hours ago.

"Used...I feel utterly used" said Edna, taking a big gulp of her scotch and soda.

"Let me get you another one of those, Edna" said Vance, walking off to the bar.

"Thanks, Vance.  Ugh, they even called us 'pathetic old fools'!  I wanted this evening to be so much more!  We'd meet this speaker, rub shoulders with a new group of people who share our ideals, impress the students of Britechester..."

"Actually, I think we might have been useful...in a positive way" piped up George.

"How so?" said Edna, looking at him inquisitively.

"In the services there was this thing called a 'need to know basis'.  That was when there was an operation going on where you couldn't tell everyone involved all the details because what if one of us got captured and blabbed to the enemy under interrogation?  So we were only told the bare minimum so we could do our jobs and not compromise the mission."

"That's right, Mrs Sneedley, maybe the John Birch people needed our distraction to look convincing to the protesters?" said Scott.

"But we showed we can be trusted; maybe they'll involve us more in their next meeting?" added Julia.

"I just wished they'd told me at least!" said Edna.  Vance returned with another double scotch and soda and Edna took a sip.  "I mean, I'm important in this town..." 

No one said anything and Edna sat there, brooding over her drink.  Finally she looked off into the middle distance and said.  "From now on, The League of Decency is going to raise its game!"

CHAPTER 144: Voldarke

 

"I am Voldarke The Inquisitor, bow before me and quake in fear!"

"George Sneedley, is that you?" said Suzy Kent:  She was handcuffed and flanked by two burly guards who were wearing black robes like George's...Voldarke's... and carried halberds.  Suzy stood before George who had his study at Sneedley Burrow converted into a makeshift courtroom.

"Silence!  I do not recognise the name George Sneedley of Sneedley Burrow, Bedrock Strait, Oasis Springs...address me only as Voldarke!"

"What's going on?  Why am I here?" said Suzy.

"Ye be found guilty of wearing a miniskirt in a place of worship!  Ye be drenched in sin...SIN!  Voldarke hereby sentences you to dress as a Puritan, complete with the hat!"

"NO!" Yelled Suzy in shock and horror.  All of a sudden, Suzy had gone from wearing her trademark black and white minidress, black tights and white go-go boots to wearing a long black 17th Century Puritan dress with white lace cuffs and collar, which covered her shoulders, a white apron and the conical black hat with the huge buckle on the front of it.  All her make up had been removed as well.

"Oh no!  I look so plain!  Please, have mercy on me, Voldarke!" she wept.

"Voldarke knows not of mercy...now ye will learn traditional crafts as befitting a spinster of this parish!  Ye will sew, ye will thatch and ye will.....bake bread!"

"What?"

"BAKE!"  And with that a lump of dough suddenly appeared in Suzy's hands.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" asked Suzy.

"You will knead the dough....KNEEEEEEAAAAAD IT!" barked Voldarke

Suzy began to knead the dough with her hands and she burst out crying.  Voldarke smiled, sinisterly and laughed.

"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!  That's it, wench, knead the dough...knead...the...dough...use more flour if you find it sticking to the surface"

"George!  GEORGE!  Wake up...we've got lots of things do to today!" came Edna Sneedley's voice.  

"Wha?.....Urgh....Voldarke.....Oh....what a lovely dream.  Yes, I'm coming dear.  On my way....hmmmm 'knead the dough'..." said George as he awoke.

Edna was in the kitchen, having a little pick-me-up after her breakfast.  Yes, there was a lot to do today and she needed all the energy she could muster.

"George, so lovely of you to join us" she said, with a thin smile.

"It was a very long, late shift at the hotel last night...I needed a little more sleep." he muttered in reply.

"Well, you're with us now...let me just put these dishes away and we shall reconvene in the study." she said.

Edna strode into the study and made straight for the chair behind the desk.  George dutifully followed and sat down in the cosy chair.

"Now, I have already typed up the minutes of today's meeting and the agenda...just putting the finishing touches to it...I am very, excited isn't the right word as I find it to be a little vulgar, let's say 'enlivened' at the prospect of today's League of Decency meeting" she said.

"As am I, dear" George replied.  "I must say I am very exci...I mean, enthusiastic at the prospect of what we're going to do today.  We will strike back at the permissive society with force!  Led by you, Edna Sneedley and me, Vol...erm...I mean, George Sneedley."

"That's the spirit, George.  Now we will have a full compliment of members today so let's fire up the troops to action!" said Edna, triumphantly.  "But right after I finish these minutes I would like to canvass the opinions of our neighbours...see if we can encourage others to join our crusade"

"Not Zest, surely!" said George.

"Oh no, not him.  He's completely the wrong sort of person.  No, I mean our new neighbours.  I like Myra, Colin seems an upstanding sort....I'm not sure about the son, though:  He's the kind of impressionable young man who could slide into depravity if there's not enough force applied to him to walk the straight and narrow path."

George and Edna went to visit their neighbours, the McGregors, to spread their Gospel.  Outside their house they saw the mother, Myra, taking out the trash.

"Myra, how lovely to see you...you are looking radiant" said Edna.

"Thank you, Edna...and hello George" replied Myra.  George nodded in response.

"Are you and Colin both at home today, perchance?" said Edna.

"No, it's just me and Jamie.  He has a half day off from school so he's helping me around the house" replied Myra.

"Such a thoughtful young man" said Edna, smiling.

"Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?" enquired Myra.

"Oh, most kind, most kind.  I wouldn't want to put you out"

"No trouble at all."

"Then George and I would like that very much" said Edna, smiling.  She had her captive audience now.

George seemed distracted by the quality of the house build.  "Hmm, interesting use of adobe here and the door frames seem solid enough."

"Oh, I wouldn't know about that...that's more Colin's area of expertise" Myra replied.

Edna made her way to the living room and sat down on the long sofa next to Jamie.  "Hello young James; your mother was telling me how much of a help you've been around the house"

"Oh, thank you Mrs Sneedley.  I do what I can" he said with a cheerful shrug.

"Yes, it seems a solid enough construction..." said George.  "I've not been inside here before."

"Did you never visit here when Alan Cuffe was living here?" asked Myra.

"Certainly not!"  Snapped Edna before she composed herself once again.  "What I mean to say is that we've always desired this neighbourhood to be more family oriented...attracting people like yourselves."

"That's a noble suggestion" said Myra.  "I noticed the other houses on our street are unoccupied...I haven't met Johnny Zest yet but Jamie has, haven't you?"

"Yeah, he seems a nice guy" said Jamie.

"We don't have much to do with Mr Zest, if that is indeed his real name.  He mixes in quite different social circles to myself and George." said Edna, with a note of disdain in her voice.

"He was very helpful to me when....well, erm, it was a...uhm....math homework problem" said Jamie, not wanting Mrs Sneedley, or his mom for that matter, to know Johnny had given him dating advice.

Edna raised an eyebrow in surprise.  The four of them chatted some more before Edna announced that she and George had an urgent appointment to get to.

That appointment was a meeting of the League of Decency and it was to be a very special gathering this day.  First, Edna and George returned home to get changed into their uniforms.  George took delight in watching Edna change into hers, the sweater and skirt flattering her still trim figure, but he was also envious...he would have to order the female version for himself one of these days.  Then, the two of them laid out copies of todays agenda, some snacks and drinks for hospitality and the equipment they would need for today's impending event.

It was a full turnout of members:  George, Edna, Scott Urban, Vance Mannero and Julia Epstein.  Everyone had come fully attired in League colours and there was an atmosphere of anticipation and excitement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" said Edna, handing out copies of the agenda to everyone.  "Today marks our first foray into the public sphere.  It is finally the time to turn all our good conversations and ideas into action and what an action it will be!  For today we will strike at the number one corruptor of young minds in our fair city!"

"You mean..." said Scott.

"Yes!  The offices of Hey, Wow! magazine!" declared Edna, boldly.

There was an audible gasp from everyone in in the room.  "Yes!  It's time to kick ass!" said Vance.

Julia gulped.  Hey, Wow! was where her friend Suzy worked.  Again, her loyalty to her friend and her sense of disgust at the permissive society tore at her inside.  But this protest was about values and not about personalities and Julia disliked Hey, Wow!

"So what's the plan, Mrs Sneedley?" said Scott.

"Please, Scott, call me Edna" she said, reassuringly patting him on the knee.  "The plan is we assemble outside of the offices of the magazine, George and Julia will lead the protests and chants, I will engage with the wider public and our two burly men here..." she said, indicating Scott and Vance "...will run 'defence'; that is, stop counter-protestors and any rabble that would try to stop us".

"I'll get the station wagon fired up" said George.  

"George will drive, I will navigate, Scott, Julia and Vance in the back." declared Edna and with that the League leapt into action with purpose, vigour and resolve...

"STOP THE FILTH!  STOP THE FILTH!" chanted Julia, as loud as she could.  A hippy walked past her and looked at her sign.

"Yeah, babe, we gotta stop the filth, the cops and all the pigs" he said.

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant!  I mean actual filth, you know...smut" replied Julia.

The hippy looked at her as if she were an alien "that's weird!" he said as he walked off.

"STOP THE SMUT!  STOP THE SMUT!" chanted Julia, this time.

"DOWN WITH MINISKIRTS!" chanted George.  A couple of Hey, Wow! employees...both young women wearing miniskirts themselves...looked at George with his sign and giggled at him.  One made the sign of a square with her fingers and they both walked into the building.

Edna wasn't so much chanting, more like giving a speech.  She had a megaphone and had it at full volume, deafening passers-by with it.

"GOOD CITIZENS OF SIM CITY...HEY, WOW IS A CORRUPTING INFLUENCE ON THE MORALS OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.  WITH ITS SALACIOUS AND DISGUSTING CONTENT, IT PROMOTES LOOSE MORALS, PROMISCUITY AND SKIMPY CLOTHING!"

"Does it really?" said a man passing by "I must get me a copy! PHWOAR!" he said in a lecherous voice before running off.

The chants, the rants and appeals to morality didn't register with the people who walked by.  No one stopped to listen and the protest seemed to either be met with eye rolling disbelief from the public or cool indifference.  Vance and Scott returned to meet up with Edna and the others.

"Well, did you encounter any opposition?" asked Edna.

"None at all" said Vance, shaking his head.  "Not one stinking hippy, long hair or freak."

"Well that is disappointing!" huffed Edna.  "I don't know...we've tried but our blows aren't landing today"

"I've got my next shift to get to, Edna" said Scott.  

"Yes, I have a meeting I have to get to as well.  It's been an interesting and informative exercise though." said Julia.

"Alright then, meeting adjourned" sighed Edna.  The signs were put away, the megaphone stowed and everyone got back into George's 1963 Ford Galaxie Country Sedan to make their way home to Oasis Springs.  The mood inside the car was sombre all the way back to Sneedley Burrow, where everyone said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

"Well, George, that was very humiliating, very!" said Edna, visibly upset by this afternoon's experience.

"We had everything planned" sighed George.

"We'll have to have a full inquest and investigation into what went wrong" said Edna.

"Inquest?  That reminds me of something...hmmm...anyway, maybe it's the youth of today being so far gone..." 

"No, George!  I won't give up on our precious youth!  But there's got to be a way to get through to them, we just haven't found it yet...oh, I have a sick headache; I must lie down...then I can begin the inquisition" 

"Oh, I've remembered that thing!  I have to go into work to bake some bread rolls...strange how an inquiry reminded me of bread baking...anyway, must go dear...stay firm"

As soon as he left, Edna found the Aspirin wasn't working so instead of a lie down she headed straight for the Solar Flare lounge.

"Hello, Mrs Sneedley...your usual?" said the bartender.

"Make it a double" she replied.

A couple of hours later and Edna was in her cups and complaining about all that was wrong in the world to anyone within earshot.

"...and the worst part is....the worst part..." she said, heavily slurring her words, "...is the indifference.  No one cares...no one cares at all anymore...another double gin and tonic, bartender!"

"Mrs Sneedley, I think you've had enough" replied the barkeep.

"I will tell you when I've had enough!  I am the paying customer and I'm always right!  That's in the...in the...in one of the amendments of our constitution I'll have you know.  I forget which one...anyway, I want another drink young man....or woman...it's hard to tell and that's another thing that's wrong with the world today:  You can't tell a man from a woman or vice versa...all that long hair the men have...pretty soon they'll be wearing dresses and where will we be?  Exactly!  That's where!  Now get a haircut and a job...although you have a job so get a haircut, but only if you're a boy...for a girl...that's optional....get it styled.  I will now briefly retire to the bathroom and when I return I expect a double gin and tonic right there" she said, jabbing her finger on the counter in front of her.

She tried to maintain an air of dignity and poise as she weaved her way around the tables and chairs of the lounge, only bumping into one standard lamp along the way.  The rest of the staff and clientele could see she was drunk and knew what was probably going to happen in the bathroom...

"You're alright, Edna...you're fine, you're in control...." she said to herself but deep inside her body was protesting.  As soon as the words left her lips, closely following behind was a jet of vomit.

The scene was....unpleasant.  Fortunately for the Solar Flare club, most ended up in the toilet and that which didn't ended up on her clothes.  Edna went pale, tried to brush the mess off her blouse, and then staggered back out into the club.

"Are you OK, Mrs Sneedley?" asked the bartender.

"I might....need...a...taxi...home..." she stammered.  The other patrons looked on with a mixture of shock and disgust at her appearance.  The bartender went to fetch a phone but Edna suddenly stumbled and fell to her knees.  A patron, a big, burly man with a luxurious beard and wearing a pink blazer, stepped in to help her up.

"I also need a shower" said Edna, meekly.  The man, and others standing near her, recoiled at the stench that emanated from her.

"Indeed you do madam" said the burly man.  

"There's nothing here of that sort" said the barman.  "The gymnasium next door has though"

"Ah...what a bit of good fortune.  I am a member there!  I even have my own locker..." said Edna, trying to sound a note of triumph.

"I will help you to reach there, Madam...before you reach again..." said the burly man.

"Oh most kind, Mr?"

"Madsen.  Nikolai Madsen, at your service....uuurrruuggghhh" he said, bristling at the sick smell.

Madsen helped Edna walk the few steps to the next door gym but it was not the kind of escorting of a lady he liked...more, this was a duty:  Part chivalry, part that he wanted the staff at the Solar Flare to forget about his ever increasing bar tab.

The fresh air outside sobered Edna up a little and she headed straight for the showers.  As she came more to her senses, her sadness at the protest's failure was mixed with another emotion:  Shame.  She had humiliated herself in the Solar Flare now; everyone right now will be talking about her drunken behaviour.  OK, she thought to herself, I had one too many...I was sad, I was upset, I drank a little too much but reputation is everything in this town and she had lost some of her good name back there.  She swore never to get drunk in public ever again. 

After her shower and a chance to freshen up, she went to her own personal locker and found a clean tracksuit she could wear.  Then she decided to sweat the booze out of her...a training run was required.  She'd show them all!  Edna Sneedley would not be held back by a couple of setbacks!