CHAPTER 197: Decoys

 

George had retreated to the underground bunker beneath their house, partly to gather his thoughts and partly to avoid his wife, Edna.  In the last month his life had shifted radically with him increasingly spending more time as his alter ego, Beulah Boutee.  What had begun as his quirky little crossdressing habit now took up three days a week dressed up as a woman for about 6 hours a day in his second job as a maid for the Landgraabs, he had to adopt a feminine voice, mannerisms and was even working on a backstory for Beulah.  It was starting to get to him and he found that he was spending less time in Edna's company as his daytimes were spent at the Landgraab's mansion whilst Edna was at work and then when she got home he had to go to his regular job at the hotel restaurant as George.

So here he was, wondering what education, upbringing and previous dating life Beulah would have, what extra items of clothing she'll need and how to reject the amorous advances of Geoffrey Landgraab...which was another level of stress he/she had to deal with.  He started a game of "Don't Wake The Llama" to help him calm down.  He had only just finished setting up the game when Edna came downstairs into the bunker.

"Ah, George, this is where you are" she said, striding into the room.

"Just enjoying a little quiet time, Dear" he replied.

"Do you mind if I join in with you?  We can have a little chat whilst we're playing" she said, sitting down in front of him before she received approval from her husband.

"I must warn you, Edna, I have been practicing...this time it'll be my turn to win!" he declared.

The game began and as Edna took her turn to pull a stick out from the pile she outlined her plans to George.

"You see, George, I've been thinking about how to raise my political profile and, by extension, that of the League of Decency's as well.  Ah, yes, got it." she said in triumph as she carefully removed a stick.

"And what conclusions have you drawn, my dear?" said George, whose steady hand removed a stick easily.

"We need more allies...careful now...careful now...ah, got it!  Yes, allies George.  That is why I've invited a guest to our humble abode today.  Someone who might be able to aid our cause."

George took his time before answering Edna as he carefully withdrew another stick.  Eventually he asked the obvious question: "Who is this person?"

"Her name is Chastity Faulkner and she's vice-president of the Britechester Young Republicans." replied Edna, taking another stick from the increasingly wobbly stack.

"How are they going to help the League?" asked George, still keeping his cool and taking out yet another stick.

"They have reach in the student world" Edna replied.  "That is a key demographic to target.  I've thought this all out."

Edna reached for the stack but her hand started shaking.  She inched it towards the pile but as she got closer the shakes intensified.

"Sounds like you have this worked out, Edna, but be careful not to overreach..." said George.  Edna touched the pile, her hand still trembling, but as she tried to remove a stick from it the whole remaining stack with the Llama on top came crashing down.

"It's a stupid game anyway!" said Edna with an indignant huff.  She stood up and went upstairs leaving George to tidy up.

Edna had her own chores to complete before Miss Chastity Faulkner arrived at Sneedley Burrow.  She inspected the general state of the house and found it to be satisfactory.  Their cleaning lady, Beulah, had done a good job of late in keeping the Burrow clean.  Little did she know that was yet another secret task George was doing in order to keep the Beulah pretence going.

Eventually the guest arrived and Edna ushered her in with her customary gush and grandiose gesturing.

"Ah Miss Faulkner, how wonderful of you to come to our little corner of Oasis Springs.  I trust your journey wasn't onerous?"

"Not at all, Mrs Sneedley, and please do call me Chastity" said the young woman, who was a striking looking young blonde woman...of student age but she looked far more mature and carried herself in a very confident manner.  On the surface of things there was much about Chastity that she did not approve of:  The extremely short hemline of her dress, the boyish hairstyle and the elaborate eye make up favoured by the youth of today would normally have Edna publicly decrying her but even the fearsome Edna Sneedley realised that the potential usefulness of Miss Faulkner and her Young Republicans outweighed the girl's fashion sense:  There would be time to steer her away from the "mod" fashions later, for now there was much politicking to be done.

"Do come through to the lounge area and make yourself comfortable.  My husband, George, will make us some fresh coffee.  He's a chef, you know?" said Edna, pointing to one of the couches.

"Thank you, Mrs Sneedley.  This is a very nice place you've got here" said Chastity.

"One tries to maintain as nice a home as one can.  We're such busy people, Chastity, we've even hired a cleaner to keep our house in good order." said Edna, with a hint of pride in telling someone they had a cleaner.

Chastity sat on one end of the sofa with Edna right next to her.  As she was done with small talk, Edna was now ready to get straight to business.

"Are you aware of The League of Decency, Chastity?" she asked.

"Only that I've heard the name; am I right in assuming that it's an organisation devoted to moral standards?" the younger woman replied.

"That is exactly it:  We lobby local government, organise events and have discussions on what is wrong with society today and how far it has strayed from conventional, decent behaviour that our parents...or in your case, grandparents...upheld."

"That all sounds good, Mrs Sneedley" said Chastity.  

"How nice of you to say so" Edna replied with a faint smile.  "I suppose campus life must be fraught with all kinds of debauchery and be difficult for the Young Republicans?"

Chastity pondered the question before answering.  She tilted her head in thought before responding.  "Yes and no.  Yes, there are demonstrations about all kinds of things; mostly it's just people my age having a tantrum if you ask me.  And there's all kind of things students get up to Mrs Sneedley that you and your League would hate:  Wild parties, drugs, drunkenness and...I hope you don't mind me using the word here...sex."

"Ugh, such an ugly word" said Edna, with a shudder.  "Outside of marriage it should be banned!"

"But none of those things I mentioned are the real problem" continued Chastity.

"They aren't?" remarked Edna, inquisitively.  She hadn't expected that answer from the girl.

Chastity shook her head.  "The loose living with the young is merely a symptom, like acne.  It's noticeable but the true cause lurks underneath.  Mrs Sneedley, the young aren't your enemy:  It's the Communists."

"Well I always suspected..." said Edna

"...The Communists flood the campuses with their propaganda and along with it the drugs.  If you want your League to be really effective you have to root out the Communists."

"Well this is very interesting if I might say so..." said Edna, suddenly intrigued by this confident young woman.

"You see, as well as my involvement with the Republicans I am also the representative of the John Birch Society on campus." 

"That would be the anti-Communist society?  I've heard of them.  Well I must tell you my George fought in Korea against the Chinese and North Koreans so he's played his part in the fight."

"But there are going to be more fights to come, Mrs Sneedley.  Maybe not in uniform..."

"The League does have a uniform as a matter of fact"

"Not as part of the armed services but each one of us must be prepared to fight in the classrooms, in our workplaces and in our communities.  I'd love to explain this more to you and your husband..."

"I'll just fetch him, he won't want to miss this.  And if you'll excuse me, I must grab a notepad and pen to take down some of what you're saying:  I'm so glad we could meet and talk" Edna said, resting a hand gently on Chastity's arm before getting up and leaving the room.

In the kitchen George was preparing a fresh pot of coffee but Edna interrupted him.  "George, this meeting's going well but you should be in there as well...Chastity has some very interesting things to say about fighting the Communists."

"But I've already done that!" replied George, thinking about his time in the Navy.

"No, what she means is more rooting out and challenging Communists in our day to day lives rather than re-enlisting."

"Oh..." he said, realising the context at last.  George went into the lounge with the fresh coffee pot and set it down on an occasional table.  Then he turned to look at the striking young woman sitting on the couch.

"Mr Sneedley, I was saying to your wife earlier that you have a really nice house" she said.

"Thank you.  Credit must go to her; she designed a lot of it." he said, pouring a drink for her and handing it over.  George looked more closely at Chastity and inspected her dress.  Yes, it was far too short but since becoming Beulah his objections to mini skirts had abated and now a sense of envy was creeping in to his thoughts.  He really liked the false shirt collar and cuffs on Chastity's dress and the cravat was a definite plus.

George was looking at the details of Chastity's outfit so much he was only half listening to her.  Something, something, Communist, something, take direct action...His gaze eventually went from her collar upwards to her face and, once again, he was struck by her appearance; this time, it was her eye make up.  The next time he was Beulah he should try that pale eyeshadow and dark pencil line around the upper part of the eyelid.

Edna had returned to the lounge and now George snapped out of his daydream and started to pay attention to what the two women were saying.

"Mrs Sneedley, I have a request to ask you and your organisation" said Chastity, putting her coffee cup down on the table firmly.  "The John Birch Society has a guest speaker coming to give a talk and we expect trouble from the opposition."

"Opposition?" asked Edna.

"The communists.  Our speaker, who I can't name here and now because I'm bound by a strict confidentiality agreement..."

"I quite understand" interjected Edna.

"...has received numerous threats from the communists in the build up to this talk and, frankly, we are few in number and could do with some reinforcements."  

"Are you expecting violence?  Because our number boasts a former soldier, a policeman a doctor...in case of injuries...and then there's George as well." said Edna, pointing to her husband.

"You what, dear?" came George's startled reply.

"I'm fairly certain it won't come to actual violence, Mr and Mrs Sneedley, but we need more of a counter-protest.  To distract them whilst we smuggle the speaker into the venue.  It's at Pepper's Pub and we need your people there from about 7pm."

"That's an offer we can't refuse!  Count us in!"

"That's great news" said Chastity, smiling.  "Well, I must be off to arrange things in advance of this evening but I will hope to see you...and meet more of your society...this evening."  And with that Chastity stood up with Edna showing her to the door accompanied with plenty of fawning.

"What a lovely, strong and determined woman she was" said Edna to George after Chastity had left.  "Her dress sense could do with improving though..."

"I rather liked the collar and cravat combination..." said George.

"Yes, it's rather like mine.  Now, we have no time to waste before this evening!  I'll phone the rest of the league.  Tonight, we go into battle!"

"Is that wise, dear?" asked George, not wanting to get into a fist fight down at Pepper's Pub.

"We've been waiting for an opportunity to make our presence felt, this is it.  Oh, and whilst I remember...I would like to meet Beulah sometime soon; thank her for her sterling work."

"Beulah!  I'm not sure that's possible!" said George, panicking all of a sudden.

"I'm sure you'll find a way, George.  Now, so much to do before this evening..."

Pepper's Pub: 7:30pm

The League of Decency had assembled in their entirety outside of the old pub in Britechester.  However, not all of them were able to wear their League uniforms.  Nonetheless, all of them had made sure they could be in attendance:  As well as Edna and George there was Scott Urban, Vance Mannero and Julia Epstein.

"What's the plan, Edna?" asked Vance.

"We're going to occupy this space here to make sure the guest speaker and Chastity Faulkner's people can get access to and from the pub entrance.  We shall place ourselves as a human barrier to ward off the protesters."

"...and if any try to get handy with their fists I'll strike back...hard!" said Vance, pounding his fist into the palm of his other hand.

"That's the spirit, Vance" said Edna, calmly.

Edna produced a placard that read "SUPPORT OUR POLICE", a leftover from a previous planned demonstration but she thought it was still valid for this evening and the others were deployed in an ad hoc arrangement around the sidewalk just outside the pub with Julia designated the one who would talk to the public about what this counter-demonstration was about.

It was now 7:45pm and the anticipated demonstrators were starting to arrive.  Unlike the League of Decency who were (mostly) in their blue and black uniforms, the left wing protesters were a mixed bunch of long haired hippies, angry young black men who wore Black Panther emblems and young white students who appeared to have come from affluent backgrounds judging by their young and fashionable clothing.  Even in trying to dress down to create a proletarian image their sandals, fringed jackets and beatnik clothing carried the signs of designer gear.

"FASCIST PIGS!" 

"NAZI SCUM!"

"HEY! HEY! ERE! ERE! WE DON'T WANT NO FASCISTS HERE!" 

The protesters had bought a loudhailer with them and were beginning to chant their slogans in unison.  The League stood on the other side of the road in a line, some of them looking more nervous than the others.  The road that separated the pub from the bridge was the line in the sand both sides occupied from different edges.

"NAZIS!" cried one protester, looking directly over the road towards Edna and her group.

"Actually, not true" piped up Julia in a polite and school ma'am voice.  "My surname is Epstein"

The factual correction went unheeded and the protesters continued chanting slogans at the League.

"GET OUT OF VIETNAM!" cried out a lone protester.

"Shhh!  Wrong demonstration!  We're doing the anti-war one on Saturday" said another in admonition.

"Ohhhh, my bad!" said the errant protester.

The stand off between the two groups went on for another 15 minutes and Edna checked her watch as Chastity and her group were late.  Maybe there was another demonstration down the road and the protesters were blocking the road?  There was no way of knowing right now and tensions were high amongst both protesters and counter-protesters.

 "Where are they, Edna?  The John Birch Society?  Those communists over there are getting agitated and there's only five of us!" said George in frustration.

Edna drew a deep breath before answering him.  "I admit, this is concerning..." she eventually said.

A young man wearing a short brown suede jacket and with a trendy, floppy fringed Beatle cut came hurtling around the corner, out of breath.

"Hey everyone!  This isn't the meeting place!  It's a distraction!  The Fascists switched venues at the last minute....these pathetic old fools are merely a decoy!" he gasped.

There was a general commotion among both groups as this new information was processed.  The left wing demonstrators broke up as a group and made their way home in small groups, all grumbling and with some giving the League of Decency some rude gestures before they left the area.

"Decoys..." said George.

"They just needed us to be decoys..." said Vance.

The League members were disconsolate.  The only advantage they had now was that they had complete access to Pepper's Pub.  Edna led the way inside...she really needed a drink as she hadn't had one since they left Sneedley Burrow hours ago.

"Used...I feel utterly used" said Edna, taking a big gulp of her scotch and soda.

"Let me get you another one of those, Edna" said Vance, walking off to the bar.

"Thanks, Vance.  Ugh, they even called us 'pathetic old fools'!  I wanted this evening to be so much more!  We'd meet this speaker, rub shoulders with a new group of people who share our ideals, impress the students of Britechester..."

"Actually, I think we might have been useful...in a positive way" piped up George.

"How so?" said Edna, looking at him inquisitively.

"In the services there was this thing called a 'need to know basis'.  That was when there was an operation going on where you couldn't tell everyone involved all the details because what if one of us got captured and blabbed to the enemy under interrogation?  So we were only told the bare minimum so we could do our jobs and not compromise the mission."

"That's right, Mrs Sneedley, maybe the John Birch people needed our distraction to look convincing to the protesters?" said Scott.

"But we showed we can be trusted; maybe they'll involve us more in their next meeting?" added Julia.

"I just wished they'd told me at least!" said Edna.  Vance returned with another double scotch and soda and Edna took a sip.  "I mean, I'm important in this town..." 

No one said anything and Edna sat there, brooding over her drink.  Finally she looked off into the middle distance and said.  "From now on, The League of Decency is going to raise its game!"