"Oh what a terrible dream!" said Julia out loud as she woke up. She blinked a few times and saw the hazy shapes and colours of her bedroom, made unclear because she hadn't put her glasses on yet.
She couldn't get the images from the dream out of her head, however. In it she was standing in a busy shopping mall, one that seemed to stretch on for miles and miles and a sea of people all walking in unison towards her with blank expressions on their faces. Julia in her dream was pushing against this crowd, walking in the opposite direction to an exit that never got any closer. As she pushed forwards the crowd became surly and would shove her back, further impeding her progress. Nothing in the shops was what she wanted or needed. There was no respite from the crowds and the store owners shouting at her from all directions.
The dream bothered Julia because she could never remember any dream she might have had beyond a few seconds upon waking up. Indeed she didn't believe she actually had dreams and was sceptical about the theories of Freud and Jung when it came to dream interpretation. But still the images of her struggle to make her way out of a shopping mall amongst zombie like crowds remained vivid in her mind.
She made herself some breakfast, which she forced herself to eat as she had lost her appetite. Even her home seemed somehow lacking in life. She had always liked the minimalist decor she had chosen for her house and didn't care for much in the way of homely adornments or creature comforts but looking around the place it suddenly seemed lifeless and devoid of character.
There was little time to wallow and once breakfast was finished she got ready for work. Often Julia liked to bury herself in it and she had an work ethic that bordered on single-mindedness. An unusual illness, a rare malady that she had special knowledge of or a chance to help one of the senior registrars would be ideal.
Instead she had to help a man who had a mediaeval knight's helmet stuck on his head.
"Hngghhh urungen hraneenenblarg"
"I see, Mr Locke, so it happened at a bachelor party. You're not the groom or best man are you?"
"Nrumen. Ngai nguffin aru dadoo middad"
"I'm relieved to hear that. Now I think it'll be a matter of applying plenty of lotion and loosening those screws on the side. I will need some assistance...Mr Marino, would you step into bay 6 please?"
Angelo Marino was a new hire for the hospital, an orderly who seemed eager enough to hit the ground running on the first day of the job.
"Yes Doctor Epstein?" he said, entering the bay and catching sight of a man wearing a hospital gown and a brass knight's helmet.
"Fetch plenty of baby oil lotion and a screwdriver from maintenance. Then I'm going to need your strength to pull this helmet off of Mr Locke.
"Stwenth? NGAI! Wilm if hrurrrrt? Ngai donna hrunt mgai fache do be dummaged!"
"If you hold perfectly still you should be alright, Mr Locke." She was getting frustrated by Mr Locke's flapping about in a panic when nothing had happened yet. It was if he actually wanted to keep the helmet on, she thought. Maybe they'd have to use the restraints if he started to panic again.
So this was the exciting and high status life of a city doctor in a top hospital...she thought, glumly.
The procedure went well enough and the helmet was eventually removed although Mr Locke cried like a baby and acted as if he was going to die at any moment. When it came time to write up her notes from the case it was a real struggle to find any motivation.
As she was struggling to type it all up her friend and work colleague, Harper Newell, stopped by to see how she was doing.
"Was it you who had to get that helmet off that guy's head, Jules?" Harper asked.
"Yes. And what a pain in the ass that guy was as well!" Julia replied.
"Wow, Miss Straight Arrow swears! It must be a rough day!"
"It's nothing major, Harps, it's just all the little things that I usually find slightly annoying are just really bugging me right now"
"Are you free to meet up after our shift? Get some drinks, unwind?" asked Harper.
"I've said I'd go along to the monthly Jokesters v Pranksters festival in town but I don't feel up to it. I would like to hang out with you afterwards though."
"How about I tag along to the festival and we can get some drinks and spicy food to help pick you up?"
"That might just work..." said Julia.
When the shift at the hospital ended both agreed to meet at the festival after getting changed and freshened up at their respective homes. Even with one of her closest friends along for the trip Julia was still dreading this evening.
She wore her everyday clothes, not bothering to doll herself up for the occasion. She needed the company more than the excitement of the festival.
Making her way to the Arts Quarter, she got herself some food...tonight there were a lot of Asian food vendors making very powerful Thai curries that caught a few of the other festival attendees by surprise. Julia had to admit the sight of a grown man freaking out over spicy food was funny.
Julia didn't have to wait long until Harper showed up. "Hey Jules, how's things going here?"
"I haven't been here long but the most amusing thing at the moment is how strong this curry is" Julia replied.
"Don't remind me..." said the man who couldn't handle it.
The man got up to leave and rushed to the nearby public bathroom and Harper sat down next to Julia to chat with her friend.
"So I forget, which team are you normally on: Jokesters or pranksters?" asked Harper.
Julia let out a sigh. "I forget...Jokesters...no, Pranksters. As a matter of fact my head is in such a jumble I can't think straight about teams."
"It's worse than we thought! So what's brought this all on, Julia? You're not usually melancholy. Indignant at improper behaviour, yes, but depressed? That's not the friend I know."
"This is going to sound silly"
"Try me"
"OK, I had a dream last night that bothered me. I was being swallowed up by the crowd, I couldn't make progress and I was becoming a nothing, a nobody."
"Sounds like an anxiety dream. We all get them. I sometimes dream that I show up to work in only my underwear."
"That's a common dream" commented Julia.
"But the thing is they're someone else's underwear!"
"Oh..."
"OK so work's not firing you up at the moment, is it?"
"No."
"And your music?"
"The gigs have dried up since my partner, Joelene, turned pro. I still practice but the fire still isn't in the belly when I play."
"OK...you're going to hate me for mentioning this but: Social life."
"Well, there's you, Francesca, Summer, Liberty..."
"OK, I'll refine my question...social life that involves men."
"Well...that's another matter. I mean, I have followed everyone's advice and tried dating a few times but each time has been a disaster or at least a massive let down. I've had a teenager who's besotted with me and wrote a folk song in my honour..."
"Oh if only a handsome guy would write a folk song about me" said Harper, wistfully, as she looked up to the sky.
"A man who my parents set me up with who's main concern is promoting his business. Then there was the guy with anger management issues and the man who's having a messy divorce but he's the messy one."
"Well, there was one other guy who was an absolute dish if you ask me..."
"HE'S IN THE CONGO! He thought saving civilians in a war zone is more important than taking me to dinner. Well, it is, but that's not the point."
"But that is the point, Julia. I've known you since you were an ambitious intern, pushing aside any thought of romance, marriage or family and completely focussed on your career. And then Vincent entered your life and you haven't been the same since."
"Pshaw! I'm not in a funk because of a man!" Julia scoffed.
"Aren't you? Think of it logically. Have you noticed any changes in you since you met him?"
"Well, we all change a little over time. I mean, what struck me about him was his dedication, earnestness and gentlemanly manner. Yes, I suppose I value those characteristics in someone and they are hard to find these days."
"OK, leaving aside for one moment just how handsome he is *sigh*, how did you feel when you were around him?"
"I felt energised, admittedly. His intellect and approach to medicine was such that I found it invigorating working alongside him. And he's also a man of culture so I enjoyed non-work time with him as well. Again, stimulating..."
"And that's what's missing in your life. OK, forget romance...let's put that aside for a moment. It's the intellectual stimulation you're missing. Since he left for the Congo there's not much replacing that vibe, that buzz you and he had. Murakami is more of a stern taskmaster than a work colleague, Fran and myself are nurses, not top doctors and those who the hospital has brought in since Vincent left are all a bit bland careerists who don't provide you with the same excitement. And that, Julia, is what's eating you: That without someone to bounce off of and share a wavelength with you're worried about being one of those cyphers we work with day in, day out. You've got a fear of going from promising hot shot to career mediocrity."
"Wow, you should be a psychiatrist. Seriously. That's spot on analysis there. Yes, that makes sense!" said Julia, her eyes lighting up.
"Glad to be of service, Jules. Now let's get a drink!" replied Harper.
The two young women stood up and walked towards the bar. "Maybe I should go to the Congo, what do you think?" asked Julia.
"To a warzone? Are you really cut out for that?" Harper replied, cynically.
"I need that intellectual fizz Vincent provided...where am I going to find it?"
"Well instead of jumping on an airplane and landing in a civil war how about writing to him instead? Have you written to him since he's been gone?" asked Harper.
"Well...no. But that's a good idea. I shall write to him. I will ask him about his work over there and about what I've been working on here..."
"Great idea, that's a good place to start. While you're at it why not ask whether he'll be back in America any time soon? Maybe you could meet up if he's back in town, even if only briefly. See how he thinks about you."
"Gosh. Golly gee. You know, I need to write to him...now, could you write down a few notes about what I should include in the letter?"
"Oh Julia...you need all the help you can get" said Harper, smiling.
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