CHAPTER 158: Clandestine Shopping Trip

"What was that noise?" said Edna Sneedley, her suspicious gaze suddenly turning towards the front door.

"I think it was the mailman, dear" said her husband, George.

"The mailman's delivery is always precisely 10am, this is 2 hours ahead of that.  I'm going to find out what's going on!" she exclaimed, striding to the door.

On examining the contents of the mailbox she noticed a flyer for a local politician that belonged to the opposition party.  Edna unfolded it and read the words.

"we STAND for PROGRESSIVE policies...MORE taxes on wealthy people....MORE representation for our younger people...MORE government INTERVENTION programs!  Bring our BOYS back home from VIETNAM...END the WASTEFUL Apollo program!  Make LOVE not WAR!"

Edna's nostrils flared and she crumped the flyer in her hand.  "Who befouled my mailbox with this FILTH!" she exclaimed.  It didn't take her long at all to discover who...a lady in a pink suit but wearing an opposition party button on her jacket lapel was putting the same leaflets through all the letterboxes on the street.  Edna saw her target and strode purposefully over to her to confront them over this.

"Excuse me, is this yours?" said Edna to the lady in her demure voice, which usually set up the unsuspecting victim to be lambasted loudly.

"Why yes, are you interested in our cause?" said the lady.  "My name is Reyna Narayanan and I'm your local candidate..."

"NO YOU MAY NOT COUNT ON MY SUPPORT!" Blasted Edna.  "And nor can you count on my husband's either!  THIS is League of Decency country!"

"The League of What?" said a startled Reyna. 

"The League of Decency....a group of dedicated citizens who are standing up against the degradation of our society by the likes of your party!" And with that Edna crumpled the flyer up in her hands and shoved it back at Reyna.  "YOU are not welcome HERE!" she bellowed.  Reyna said nothing but instead stomped off, angry at being met with such hostility.

"Pinko!" muttered Edna, behind her back.

Meanwhile George was in the house bunker having a drink and thinking of what to do today.  He had a day off from work but Edna was on the campaign trail thus leaving him on his lonesome for a few hours.  Now normally he would change into his alter-ego, Georgina, or was it Beulah?  A few hours dressed as a woman took George to his private happy place although it was touch and go last time he dragged up:  None other than Geoffrey Landgraab had spotted him as a her and even tried to flirt with him...leading to George having to improvise matters and create yet another alter ego named Beulah who was this Southern Belle character.  That day was such a thrill that George considered doing it again and venturing even further afield.

"Alright, Dear, I'm off...wish me luck at City Hall!" said Edna as she was exiting the house.

"Bye-bye, my love!  Have a nice day" replied George.  As soon as the front door closed shut, he thought about what he wanted to do.  Instead of dressing up he decided that Georgina's wardrobe needed some additions so he was planning a shopping trip down at Magnolia Promenade.  It was a part of town he didn't venture into much, so there was less chance of him being recognised by anyone he knew.  He took a bus and a subway downtown, committed to his plan of action.

It was 9:30am when he arrived at Magnolia Promenade and, as he suspected, it was mostly deserted down there as it was a weekday morning.  The first shop he walked past he had mixed feelings about:  Pack's Clothing.  It was owned by this mere slip of a girl, one of those so-called "Dolly Birds" he had read about in the newspapers.  Pack's was where the Mods, Dolly Birds and Faces all bought their clothes.  Not George's thing, not even "Georgia's", but his attention was grabbed by some of the displays in the shop window.

He particularly liked a black lace basque and next to it, a purple exercise leotard.  Hmmm, I need to shed a few pounds...he thought, patting his stomach.  Along the line of mannequins he saw some nice cocktail dresses as well.  Maybe this shop did have some things to interest him?  He decided  to venture inside.

Apart from a couple of shop assistants, he was alone in the boutique.  First he wandered by the menswear section, feigning interest whilst occasionally glancing at the more interesting womenswear.  He had already seen a couple of things that took his interest but now his heart pounded faster and faster as he had to check more closely to see if they had the outfits in his size and then...actually go and purchase them.

"Can I help you, sir?" said a voice behind him.  George turned around and saw two shop assistants standing behind him.

"Erm...I...well...I don't know" he stammererd.

"May we help you?  Are you looking for yourself or for someone else?" the lady shop assistant replied.

"Erm...I'm looking for clothes...FOR MY WIFE!" George exclaimed.  The male shop assistant stepped away and the young woman continued to probe George for more information.

"A present or something to mark a special occasion?" the shop girl continued.

"I just like to buy my wife gifts now and again...a surprise." said George.

"And did you have anything in particular in mind for her?"

"Erm....that...erm...basque...you have in the window."

"Oh, now that is ideal for a special gift.  What size is she?"

"Erm...a Sixteen" he said, giving his own size.

The shop assistant went out back to the stock room and returned with an ornate cardboard box which she proceeded to open, revealing the black satin and lace garment wrapped up in thin tissue paper.

"Is this what you want?" she asked.

"FOR MY WIFE!  Yes, thank you" he replied.

"Of course...and would you like any hosiery to go with this?  Stockings or pantyhose?"

"STOCKINGS!" he blurted out.  "Erm...black.  Sheer."

"Sir knows his wife very well.  There we go" she said,  reaching for a pair of black nylons that were on a shelf and putting them on top of the box.  "And anything else?"

George's heart was pounding faster and faster and he was about to break into a sweat.  This is going well, he thought, he just had to remain calm.  The last item he was interested in was the little black dress.  A bit shorter than he was used to wearing...and the kind of thing that Edna would object to...but Georgina would be interested in wearing it.

He decided that the three items were enough for today and, besides, he didn't like the other outfits in the shop as they were too trendy.

"There you go sir, I hope your wife enjoys what you've bought her.  I must say, you have very good taste.  Most of our male customers are hopeless at buying for their wives but you have a good eye for fashion." said the shop assistant once the transaction had been completed.

"Oh, do I?  Well, she gives me clues" he stammered.  The mission was almost accomplished...almost.  George had the items and he was prepared to head on out of the shop, content that he'd picked the right shop and right time of day so he wouldn't be recognised.  But he had and by someone he knew so tangentially that even though they had never spoken with one another, they had seen each other just often enough for a mutual recognition.

The person in question was Joelene Scholl:  A former Lothario Kitten now turned solo singer who had left her modelling career and kitten outfit behind.  But George had seen her enter and leave Lothario proprietor Alan Cuffe's house many times and she had seen him.  He was present when Edna lambasted her at the Blue Velvet Club in Willow Creek.  She had noticed him.  Now she recognised him here, alone and without Edna and she let out a startled cry.

George saw her as well and their eyes met.  She looked at him and noticed he was carrying some shopping bags with clothing from this shop in them.  Unfortunately for George, Joelene was between him and the door so he couldn't avoid her.  He started to walk purposely out of the shop but as he walked past her she couldn't resist a little dig in his direction.

"I didn't think this was your kind of shop, Mr Sneedley" she said.

"That's none of your business!" he snapped back at her.

"Does your wife know you're here?  Strange that a man known for his upstanding views on society should shop for clothes in an establishment that caters for all the kinds of people you hate."

"Again, my business is my own and not your concern!"

"How many times did you lurk outside of Alan's house, trying to get a peep at us?"

"I did not try and peep at you!  Well, only to find out what kind of lewd activities you were getting up to!" he said, defensively.

"I bet it gave you a thrill!" she shot back at him.

All George could muster as a retort was a loud, indignant huff and he stormed out of the shop.  Those Lothario Kittens are the worst kind of women, he thought to himself.  Not only was their clothing and work provocative, but they were obnoxious as well and this Miss Scholl was one of the worst even though she was out of uniform!  George was also concerned that she might have guessed why he was in Pack's Clothing to begin with...

Without thinking, he found himself entering a very different kind of clothing store:  JF&S clothiers.  They specialised in expensive evening and formal wear.  George was exhausted and nearly had one of his turns back at Pack's Clothing so he sat down and saw all the elegant dresses displayed there.  This place calmed him down; civilised, traditional and upmarket. 

As George was being becalmed by all the elegance around him, he was approached by a young, fashionable blonde woman.

"Wife's brought you along for one of her shopping trips, eh?" said the woman.

"What?  Are you talking to me?" George replied.

"Yes...and subject my boyfriend to the same ordeal as well.  Ha-ha.  You menfolk are very patient and kind whilst we indulge ourselves.  What's your wife looking for?"

"My wife?  Oh, her.  Uhm, well, you know, something elegant, refined, that sort of thing."

"She's certainly taking her time...I've noticed you've been sat here for ages.  An epic shopping trip?"

"Yes, ha-ha." George laughed nervously.  "You know, you ladies with your fancy dresses, frocks and...erm...shoes"

"Don't I know it!  My boyfriend is busy this morning otherwise I would have dragged him down here..."

"Dragged?" said George, gulping.

"Dragged, led, forced into coming to JF&S's when he'd rather be watching the baseball.  Anyway...so I've got this event coming up and..."

"Excuse me for interrupting, but I've realised I haven't locked the car up...must dash" George made a hurried excuse to leave because he had spotted Edna's old high school rival, Katrina Calliente, entering the shop and not only did she know George, slightly, she was such a gossip that word was bound to reach back to Edna that George was in JF&S's on his own.

George got up out of the chair, lowered his head, put his hand over his face and skulked off out of the shop, once back on the street he started to run for home.

Before he got to the subway station, he'd remembered he'd left the new clothes he'd bought behind at JF&S's so he had to quickly run back, grab them when Katrina wasn't noticing, and then run out again.

It was an exhausted, but relieved, George who returned to Sneedley Burrow.  He wasted no time in heading down into the bunker to stash his new purchases with his other secret items.  However, no sooner than the suitcase went back into the storage room than he heard Edna's footsteps coming down the stairs.

"George, are you here?" she cried.  "What are you doing down here, my dear?"

"Oh just a bit of sorting out, chucking out, that kind of thing.  Would you like a drink?"

"Oh yes please, I absolutely need one.  The problem with City Hall is that it's dry!" she said, flopping down on a chair.  George poured her a Sweet n' Spicy and she downed it in one.  She looked at George and felt warm towards him.  Getting up she went over to him and stroked his cheek.  "My man" she said, softly.

"Now, George, I think I can thrash you!" she said.

George looked worried.  "At...erm...what, dear?" he replied.

"Don't Wake the Llama.  We haven't played in ages.  Let's get us a couple of more Sweet n' Spicy's and play a few games!  I'm warning you, George, I play to win!"

"Don't I know it, dear"