CHAPTER 96: The Penny Drops

 

"Yo, Rookie...what do you have for me?" said Action as he entered the squad room at Precinct 13 headquarters.

"The suspect...Damian Blount...in cell one needs interrogating.  And I ain't no Rookie anymore; I served my probation time and am a grade 1 patrolman"

"Until I see you cut it on the streets when the crap hits the fan, you're a rookie to me.  Now, who's Damian Blount?"

"He's the breaking and entering specialist who has a thing for women's shoes"

"Oh him!" Action said, remembering the first time he'd encountered Damian.

"Come on, Twinkletoes, time to sing" said Action as he let Damian Blount out of his cell to be interrogated.

"You had nothing on me last time, Detective, and you've got nothing this time" replied Damian, a sound of overconfidence and disdain in his voice.

"You got off on a technicality and were lucky the judge was weak...but wait 'till you see what I've got this time"

"Ooh, don't tease me!" said Blount, in a mock flirtatious voice.

Action gave Blount a big shove in the back and marched him off to the interrogation room.

"I know it's you hitting all those expensive houses, Damian, you have a distinctive M.O." said Action, shining the desk lamp into Blount's face.

"Oh do tell, Detective" replied a defiant Blount.

"You have expensive tastes and they need paying for...not only do you break in and steal cash, jewellery and other items of value....you like to take dresses, shoes and other ladies' apparel.  That makes you a bit different"

"It's not a crime in this state to like women's clothes, Detective" 

"Hey, if you want to dress up as a woman that's your gig: I don't care one way or another.  But you can't do it in clothes you stole either" There was an awkward pause in the interrogation as Blount remained defiant.

"Prove I stole them, Detective"

Action said nothing but reached into a file and slid a document across to Blount.

"We searched your apartment, Damian" began Action "and found a gold lamé dress belonging to Nancy Landgraab and reported stolen a week ago by her in your closet"

"That dress is legitimately mine" responded Blount, still remaining calm.

"Then how come on the inside lining of the dress there's a pinned dry cleaning invoice MADE OUT TO NANCY LANDGRAAB?" Action raised his voice and jabbed his index finger down on a photocopy of the invoice in front of Blount.

"Erm....I....I" stuttered Blount; his composure collapsed.  Action had his man bang to rights....Blount ended up confessing to a series of robberies and once Action had got a signed confession from the suspect and with that job done, he put him back in the cell.

That job done and dusted, Action headed to the Chief's office to update him on the case being closed and ready for trial.

"Well done, Action my boy, well done" said the Chief, enthusiastically when told the news that they'd got a confession out of Damian Blount.  "We've been after that one for some time and you were the one that closed the case"

"It still has to go to trial but that confession will help secure the conviction" said Action.

"It'll go to the D.A.'s office and they'll sort it out...well, what are you waiting for, Action, go get out there and crack some more cases!" the Chief said, abruptly.

SAN MYSHUNO, 13:05 hrs

It didn't take long for something to happen downtown that Action needed to deal with.  As he was talking to a local by the name of Arun Bheeda a very attractive but panic stricken young woman came running up to him.  Looking at her she seemed vaguely familiar but he couldn't place where he'd seen her before.

"Officer!  Officer!  I need your help, urgently!" she said, out of breath as she came running to him.

"What's the matter, Ma'am?" Action replied.

"I had something of mine stolen, out of my hands, just around the corner from here!" she explained, pointing to a spot around the corner from where they were standing.

"What was stolen?" asked Action.

"An envelope containing some photos" she replied.

"That's all?  Your bag wasn't taken was it as well?"

"No, just the envelope" she explained.

Action took a moment to think about the significance of an bunch of photos being taken but a woman's bag, presumably containing her cash and valuables, was ignored.

"And can you describe the man who took this envelope?"

"Yes, he was a black man, in a tank top and flat cap" she said.

"Hey, I've seen that guy around here a lot!" exclaimed Arun Bheena, all of a sudden.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have a look around this area and call in some back up" said Action, instinctively checking his .38 service revolver was still in its holster.  "Here's my card; if you see the guy who robbed you, call this number"

"Can I have one of those cards as well, Detective?" asked Arun.  "If I see this guy, and I'm pretty sure he hangs out around here a lot, I want to let you know"

"Sure Mr Bheeda, here you go" he said, handing a second card to the keen and eager young man.  However, Action had another person he wanted to interrogate...someone who sees all but is hardly ever noticed.

"Howdy Cowboy" said Action as he approached the mime artist who was being a living statue for the day.

"Gnnnaaa arrraaayy" the mime replied.

"I have a few questions to ask you" Action said, flashing his warrant card.

"I shaid....gna array. G'naim trynggghhh to rorwk here" said the mime.

"I don't care if you're trying to work just standing around hoping a pigeon will crap on you...I'm the police and you will answer my questions either here or down at the precinct house"

The mime relented and stopped standing motionless.  "Fine, what do you want?" she said.

"Snatch n' grab a little while ago.  Black guy in a tank top and wearing a cap stole a large envelope.  Did you see it happen or the guy who did it?"

"Yeah, I heard something...a scream then this guy hurtles past me at high speed carrying a big, yellow parcel or something like that.  He went that way, towards the bar that's over there"

"And have you seen this guy around here before?" Action asked.

"Oh yeah...he's catcalled me a few times and shouted my act is garbage.  I don't know his name though"

"Thanks for the help...and you say he went in that direction?" The mime nodded.

"Say, you should try being more still, Detective.  Cast off the cares of the world and let your body be still and at peace"

Action scoffed.  "I stand still for no man" he replied and he headed off to the bar where the suspect was last seen heading to.  His eyes scanned all potential lurking spots but he couldn't help shake the feeling that something about this crime was amiss:  Why steal photos unless there was something incriminating about them?  And who do they incriminate?  

Up ahead he saw Arun Bheena frantically gesturing off to his right.  Action figured he'd seen something, possibly the perp himself.  He quickly jogged over to Arun to find out what was going on.

"He's there...the guy who stole the envelope!  By that payphone!" said an excited Arun.

Without saying a word, Action crept up on the suspect.  Using his Vietnam jungle skills to move silently and undetected he was up on the perp in a flash and had his service .38 jammed into the small of the suspect's back.

"Don't move or you'll have a tunnel going all the way through your guts.  Now drop the envelope you're holding right there and down on your knees, sucker!" said Action.

Action cuffed him, read him his rights and called for a Black & White to pick him up.  Witness statements were taken from Arun, the Mime and the young woman at the centre of the theft.

"We've retrieved your photos and arrested the man who took them, Miss?" said Action, asking for the woman's name.

"Pizzazz.  Penny Pizzazz" she replied.

The "penny" dropped for Action: "Of course, you're the gossip columnist and TV personality" said Action.

"That's me" she replied.  "Can I have my photos back now?"

"They're material evidence, Miss Pizzazz.  They'll be returned to you in time but for now we need to keep hold of them."

"But they're important for my work!" she protested.

"Don't you have copies?  Can you make more from the negatives?" he said.

"Well...yes...I suppose" she said in a faltering manner.

"Good.  We'll be in touch, Miss Pizzazz" said Action.  His curiosity now piqued as he wondered what was in those photos...time would soon tell.

Back at the station, Action went to seek out the forensic unit.  "Say, can you boys in the lab check these photos and this envelope out...I'm not just looking for fingerprints, I want those photos analysed for every last detail."

"Sure, Action" said the forensic chief.  "What are we meant to be looking out for?"

"I don't know at this stage....look over them and enlarge any section that you think looks of interest or out of place".  Action had a hunch the photos were stolen for something they contained that incriminated someone...but Pizzazz wasn't a known criminal with a habit of blackmailing people...or was she?

At the end of his shift Action headed home for a rendezvous with his girlfriend, Katherine.  They were both pretty beat after their work days but perked up once they saw each other.

Action gave Katherine a massage.  "Hmmm, that feels good!" she said.  "You've got the magic touch"

"You should see all the other things I can do with them" he joked, flirtatiously. 

"You've got my attention if it's anything like this massage" she replied.  They headed to the bedroom to get more intimate.

"My day was so boring" began Katharine.  "Attending all these meetings of charity bodies, organisations and listening to one dull speech after another.  How was your day?"

"I got a confession from that thief who steals women's jewellery and clothes and arrested a street robber who mugged Penny Pizzazz, the lifestyle reporter on the news" he replied.

"Oh I know Penny" said Katherine.  "Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she didn't get hurt...it was this package of hers that got stolen.  Say, do you know her well?"

"A little" replied Katherine. "We attend some of the same events"

"Would you say she's on the level?" he asked.

"Penny?  Sure!  She's sweet, knows everyone who is everyone and is a positive kind of person.  Why do you ask?"

"It was this envelope she was holding...it contained some photos and I was wondering if, in her line of work, the photos would be embarrassing to someone?"

"Penny's not a blackmailer if that's what you mean...well, she doesn't come across like one.  I'm tired..." she said, yawning.  "Let's go to bed"

"Sure thing" said Action, smiling and undoing his shirt.  It was time to put work to one side and to enjoy some playtime.  In the morning, Action looked forward to one of the treats of his day...Katherine's scrambled eggs for breakfast!

CHAPTER 67: Llama Man

 

"I think....I may have had too much to drink" said a very woozy Barbara Dubois. She and her boyfriend, Jeremy Saint, had just staggered home from a party at their friend's house. Even though the party was just at the end of their very short street, the tipsy journey home seemed like an epic. Barbara could hardly stand on her feet....the problem was that she got the measurements for the punch recipe wrong and too much vodka had ended up in it. Everyone who was there was feeling worse for wear...everyone except John Action, their policeman friend, who seemed none the worse for wear.

Jeremy and Barbara helped each other up the porch steps, open the door and stumble to the bedroom.

"Oh Jeremy, I know we agreed to have a little fun time on our own this evening but I'm really feeling too tired and...well....out of it" said Barbara.

"I've got to give a presentation tomorrow and I know I'm going to have a thumping hangover" said Jeremy. "Let's take a rain cheque on that fun time"

They managed to take off their shoes and boots, Barbara her skirt but they didn't bother to finish changing before crashing out in their bed. The next morning, Jeremy hit the showers early whilst Barbara made the most simple of breakfasts. Both of them had hangovers. As they sat down to eat Jeremy asked Barbara if she was working as well today.

"I looked at my roster and I'm not on today...thank goodness. It's a shame you haven't got a day off as well; are you feeling well enough to go in?" she said.

"I can't justify not going in when all I have is a headache. I'll be fine...I've already got my notes and after a few cups of Dewey, Cheathem & Howe's worst caffeinated sludge I should be good to go. What will you do?"

"I don't know yet...I've got some ideas of what I'd like to do long term...I can't see myself at Hamburgerman for long; I need something more challenging and rewarding. Today, however, I will probably visit some of my old haunts down in San Myshuno"

And so it was that Barbara headed to the bright lights of the big city centre but when she got there she wasn't prepared for what she saw. There were crowds of people all gathered around some kind of open air exhibition, many of them dressed in costume. "What is going on here?" As she drew closer, intrigued by what she saw, she could hear music coming over some speakers.

"Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh!
Llama Man!
Llama Man!
Does whatever a Llama can
He can bleat
He can trot
Got everything that a llama's got
Look out!
Here comes Llama Man!"

"Llama Man?" said a confused Barbara, but all around she could see big posters for some kind of TV show called Llama Man, banners with "GO LLAMA MAN!" written on them in big, colourful lettering and people dressed in superhero costumes based on the motif of a Llama.

Barbara had to take a seat and wonder at this character, who seemed very popular judging by the size of the crowd. A woman sat next to her...but she was wearing a Llama Man costume.

"Phew! This place is really swinging today? I have to take a break; this headgear is VERY hot to wear!" said the woman.

"Don't tell me...you've come dressed as Llama Man?" said Barbara, introducing herself.

"Llama Man? No! I'm dressed as Llama Girl!" said the woman, indignantly.

"There's a Llama Girl as well?" asked Barbara.

"Of course; she's Llama Man's sidekick. Have you never seen the show?"

"No...I didn't know it existed"

"Oh you must watch it! It's only the number one rated TV show in Sim Nation! This is a special convention for the fans...the first one of its kind."

"I see...so do you play Llama Man in the show?"

"No, I'm a dedicated fan...the real Llama Man, that is actor Tab Strong, will be along later to sign autographs and speak with the fans. I'm part of the fan club and we members have come dressed as some of the characters. So I'm Llama Girl, over there we have The Poker, The Cormorant, Diddly D and Feline Fatale."

"And who are they?" asked Barbara, still none the wiser.

"The villains of the show, of course! You really must watch it"

After chatting to this fan of the show, Barbara took a look around this convention. One of the biggest, most impressive exhibits there was a massive rocket engine. She wondered if it was from the Llama Man TV show but a sign, plus a voiceover from a speaker, indicated it wasn't.

"SPACE...THE MOON...MAN'S DREAM OF CONQUEST..." went the voice recording. "If WE ARE GOING TO GET TO THE MOON, MARS AND VENUS IT WILL DEPEND ON NEW, POWERFUL ROCKET ENGINES SUCH AS THESE..."

A young man was looking excitedly at this rocket engine. "Wow! That's so awesome!" he said, turning to face Barbara. Once he saw her, his face turned white and suddenly he started mumbling. "Fnargh laghargle blahrgh flargh mwagh". He couldn't bear to look at her any longer and soon ran off. She wondered what his problem was.

The weirdness continued when she went to get something to eat from one of the vendors. As seating was limited, she asked to sit at the same table as someone else, a young man, and he could barely speak to her before he mumbled and ran off.

"What is going on?" she said out loud. "I showered this morning, it can't be body odour..."

"Allow me to explain" said a deep, resonant voice from behind her. Barbara turned around to see a well built man and curvaceous young woman both wearing Llama superhero outfits standing behind her.

"You see, young lady" said the man. "These are fans of science fiction and comic books...commonly known as 'nerds'. They often have difficulty relating to attractive young women such as yourself."

"Oh I see...that's funny because I often think I'm a nerd too." Replied Barbara. "I'm into all kinds of things people don't think are trendy. I must say your costumes look very authentic"

"That's because they are genuine costumes from the show. Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Tab Strong, I play Llama Man on the show. This is my co-star, Raquel Furnish." The woman waved to Barbara but said nothing. "I hope you enjoy the show" said Tab Strong.

"I've never seen it before, in fact I didn't know it existed until today" replied Barbara.

"WHAT?" said Tab. "Well, here, have this signed photo of Raquel and myself...compliments of Llama Man and Llama Girl. Remember, Llama Man is on every 8pm, Wednesday evening on SBC 12." and with that he handed over the photo to her.

Once the event was over, Barbara made her way home...still processing what she'd experienced. An entire exhibition and convention based around a single fantasy and science fiction TV show? It seemed a preposterous idea and she wondered if the idea would ever catch on. Once home she could catch up with Jeremy, who had just got back.

"Hey there, sweetheart" he said, as she entered the house. "Did you head off into town?"

"Yes...there was some strange kind of show there; all about this crazy TV show called Llama Man. I met the stars of it and they gave me a signed photo..." she said, showing him the picture of the two actors in costume.

"You got a signed photo of Llama Man and Llama Girl! No way!" said an excited Jeremy, barely able to contain himself.

"What? You know this show?" she asked, shaking her head.

"I never miss an episode!" said Jeremy. "Wow...you met Tab Strong and Raquel Furnish! Tell me, what's she like in real life?"

"Oh so you like Raquel Furnish do you?" said Barbara, looking cross at him.

"Oops...sorry. I mean, she's a fine actress but nowhere near as beautiful and as lovely as you, of course"

"That's better" said Barbara, smiling again.

Later on, as they retired to bed Barbara remembered something "Jeremy...how's your hangover?"

"Oh that...it's gone, I'm fine now" he said. "And yours?"

"Gone as well....I did promise you a treat last night, I'd like to keep it"

"Oh what did you have in mind?" said an inquisitive Jeremy.

"Why not come to bed and find out?" said a coquettish Barbara.