"Phew...I am exhausted, George, I can tell you and I'll tell you another thing...the amount of litter on our streets is appalling, simply appalling. After breakfast I'm going to write one of my stern letters to City Hall about it....what are you cooking there, George? Another one of your healthy recipes?" said Edna who was exhausted, exasperated and inquisitive in that order.
"All natural and good for us, I assure you, Dear" replied George.
"Yes, I must admit I have noticed that you've lost a bit of weight lately. Hmmm, I like the leaner, trimmer version of you, George: Your body is almost the same as when we met"
"I'm just trying to stay healthy, like you. You've taken up exercise and running; I am using my culinary skills to cook nutritious meals that don't add to our waistlines." replied George. Yes, he wanted to be healthy but he had an ulterior motive as well: He wanted to drop a dress size or two.
"Healthy or not, it's certainly delicious" said Edna, enthusiastically chomping on her corn and red pepper frittatas. "George, you do spoil me...but time is pressing on and I have meetings to get to. I'm off to have a shower and get dressed; sorry I can't help you tidy up the dishes this time."
"No worries, dear" said George, picking up the empty plates and taking them through to the kitchen. Once he heard the shower being turned on, he scampered downstairs into the bunker and checked on his secret suitcase filled with his feminine attire. Today was going to be a very special day for his alter-ego: Beulah Boutee.
He took the suitcase from its hiding place, opened it up and inspected his garments. He checked out the dress he wanted to wear, made sure it had no holes, loose threads or dirt on it. He also made sure his high heels had no scuff marks on them, his stockings had no runs in them and his wig was in top condition as well. Satisfied, he shut the case and went back upstairs just in time to be back in the kitchen before Edna emerged from the bedroom, fully dressed. Everything had to be just right because this was going to be his biggest ever adventure dressed as a woman...today he was going for a job interview with the Landgraabs to become their new maid.
"I hope you have a nice day, George" said Edna as she came out from the bedroom and into the living room, putting on her suit jacket as she walked. "I shall be back in the middle of the afternoon. Will you have gone to work by then?"
"Possibly, darling. I hope to see you just briefly before I have to go." he replied.
"Take care and don't exhaust yourself before your shift like you did last time" she said, heading out the door.
George peeked through the drapes and watched Edna head off down the street. Once she was out of sight, he dashed downstairs, grabbed his special suitcase and ran back upstairs to the bedroom and the dressing table. He placed the case on the bed, opened it up, grabbed his make up and went to work transforming himself into Beulah.
He had to be over at Acquisition Butte, where the Landgraabs lived, by 11am and it took him just under an hour to drag up. As he would be travelling as Beulah in public, he had to be extremely careful in looking as feminine as he could possibly manage. So far, on his brief public excursions out and about, no one had detected he was a man under the wig, make up and dresses but this trip would be the longest amount of time he would be spending as a woman.
Once transformed, he had to practice his feminine voice...modified to sound like she was from Georgia.
"Ah dew declay-ah! Ahhhhh dew de-clay-ahhhh suh! Another mint julep, Geoffreh...ah mean, Mistah Laynd-graaaab! Oh fiddlely dee!" Once satisfied, he stood up, hitched his fake tits into position and made sure there was no "bulge" showing in his pelvic region. After a gentle, more feminine sounding clearing of the throat, George was no more...she was Beulah!
Beulah sauntered to the nearby bus stop to catch a ride to Acquisition Butte. When the bus stopped, she gingerly walked up the steps, paid the bus driver and gave a delicate "thank you, kind suh" and little curtsey to the driver. The driver wasn't accustomed to such delicate, Southern manners on his route and looked quizzically at this fairly tall lady who was wearing a lot of make up and had genteel manners.
The journey passed without much incident and Beulah was able to make it to the Landgraab home, Affluista Mansion, in time for her appointment. She couldn't believe how large and impressive the house looked; it's sleek, light grey and white exterior décor looked almost space age and futuristic.
As Beulah sashayed to the front door she was met by a frantic looking Geoffrey Landgraab, wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase, who was rushing out of the house.
"Ah, Beulah, looking radiant as ever!" he said, pausing to speak to her. "I wish I could give you a...personal...tour today..." he continued, looking her up and down approvingly "...but I have an urgent business meeting to attend."
"Aw my! I don't want to keep y'all from your important business, Mistuh Landgraab..." said Beulah.
"Oh Beulah, how many times do I have to tell you...you can call me...Geoffrey" he said, practically purring his name as he spoke. "It is with deep regret that I must depart now; Knowles is here with the limo and I cannot keep the board of directors waiting any longer. My wife, Nancy, is upstairs in the home gymnasium. I've told her all about you."
"Nothin' bad ah hope!" Said Beulah, playfully touching his arm.
"The opposite! Until we meet again...Beulah!" he replied, with a wave before getting into the limo. Beulah gave a little, coquettish, wave back and then turned to enter the house.
She was amazed at how immaculate it was inside; to her right was a sleek, shiny kitchen, to her left a large plush loungeroom which had an enormous television set along one wall and big, French windows with sliding glass doors that opened out to the back. Beulah went upstairs to try and find Mrs Nancy Landgraab but at the same time she was awed by the mansion...not what she had expected at all.
"Hello? Mrs Landgraab? Are you there?" called out Beulah.
"Is that Miss Booty?" came a reply from a woman's voice.
"It's Boutee, Ma'am...Beulah Boutee" said Beulah, following the source of the voice until she entered a large room which had some exercise apparatus in it. Seated at one piece was Nancy; dressed in a white tracksuit and wearing large sunglasses which hid her eyes.
Nancy looked Beulah up and down but with the sunglasses on it was difficult for the latter to determine whether the former was looking at her with approval or disapproval.
"Hmm, you're not quite as Geoffrey had described you. From Louisiana are you?" said Nancy.
"No, ma'am, from the great state of Georgia...although mah gran'pappy was from New Orleans" replied Beulah, improvising a backstory off the cuff.
"Well thank you for coming, Miss Boutee. As you can see we have a large mansion and we're in need of a maid; a reliable, honest one as well. Too many of the maids we've hired in the past have had problems keeping their hands off our precious objects d'art." said Nancy, waving her hand to indicate the splendour of the house.
"Now that's just downright, wrong, Mrs Landgraab! What is the world coming to today? Ahm sorry to hear of your misfortunes but I can assure you that ahm the model of honesteh and decenseh." said Beulah.
"Do you have a reference with you?" asked Nancy, haughtily.
"Ah certainly do! Here it is, from Mistuh George Sneedleh...I unnerstand you know the gentleman?" said Beulah, handing out a reference George had typed up, praising Beulah's hard work and dedication.
"Yes, I know him and his wife. Upstanding couple." said Nancy. Beulah beamed at the small praise Nancy had just bestowed on his male alter-ego and Edna.
"I'll give you a tour of the house" continued Nancy, getting up from her weightlifting machine. "As you can see it is the latest in Scandinavian modernism: We had it specially constructed after seeing a concept house at the World's Fair in 1964...we fell in love with the design and flew the architect out from Stockholm especially to build a bigger version right here. Have you heard of him, his name is Ben Benn?"
"Can't say I do, ma'am." replied Beulah, trying to take in everything around her. "They're so clever, the Swedes, aren't they?"
"Yes...almost everything in his house is of Swedish design or manufacture from the kitchen appliances, the electronics and the wooden furniture. As you said, they're a clever people who have built state of the art electronics to...well...sex change operations" Nancy said, smiling at the last point. Sweden was getting a reputation for pioneering the latter.
"Ah wouldn't know anything about that" said Beulah. There were some things George drew the line at and having surgery on his 'manhood' was one of them.
"No, I can see a genteel lady of manners such as yourself wouldn't involve themselves in some of the more lurid stories from around the world. I am what you would call...worldly." said Nancy.
They returned to the gym and Nancy resumed her exercises. "So, do you think you could manage cleaning and maintaining this house to a high standard?" she said.
"I reckon so, ma'am. Ah say 3 hours, twice a week should do it"
Nancy smiled. "That was what I was thinking as well. I like your candidness, Beulah. The job is yours."
"Oh thank you, ma'am, much appreciated" replied Beulah.
"Just a couple of details." continued Nancy "Mondays and Thursdays will be your working days. Whilst on the premises you will wear an appropriate uniform, which we will provide."
"That's not a problem for me" said Beulah. I'm going to wear a maid's uniform! She thought, excited at the idea.
There were footsteps coming from down the hall. "Mom, is is OK for me to invite Michelle over this evening for dinner?"
"That is acceptable, Malcolm. Oh, come on in, I'd like you to meet our new maid, Beulah. Beulah, this is my son, Malcolm"
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, young suh" said Beulah, curtseying.
Malcom didn't respond immediately but instead slowly walked over to her. "Well, you have manners" he said, looking her up and down. "Your name's Boiler, is it?"
"Beulah" she gently corrected.
"Oh yes. So you're the new maid, are you? Well I have a few personal rules for all our staff: When it comes to my room, you will confine yourself to vacuuming, dusting and polishing. You will NOT touch any of my stuff, not even to move them even the slightest. Is that clear?"
"Oh certainly, Master Landgraab. Ah know how precious your things must be. Ah will only vacuum, dust and polish, you have my word as a Southern Ge...ah, mean, ah Southern Belle."
"One more thing, Beulah..." said Malcolm, ushering her away from his mother's earshot. "...if you do happen to see a sign on my door that says STRICTLY NO ADMITTANCE, then under no circumstance are you to enter my room. Do I make myself clear?" he said, with a hint of malevolence in his voice.
"*gulp*...Ah understand, Master Malcom" replied Beulah, nervously.
Malcolm handed Beulah a pad of letter writing paper and a pen and she wrote down her dress size and clothing measurements on the top sheet before handing them to Nancy.
"My...that should be possible to procure. You don't see many women of your vital statistics often. Fair enough, Thursday at 10am it is. Goodbye Miss Boutee."
Beulah curtseyed again to both of them and made her way out. She had secured the job and convinced two others that she was a woman. That gave her a thrill as she walked to the bus stop. She still had time to get home, change back into George and get ready for his regular job.
Back at Sneedley Burrow, Beulah became George once again. He was getting so adept at changing between male and female in appearance that he could remove the clothing, make up and wig in nearly half the time that it used to take. He had a late lunch, confident that no trace of make up was remaining on him.
This time he and Edna didn't see each other before he had to go to his work and she came home from hers. She had become distracted with talking to a young man about politics and tried to impress him with her cause for decency in public life. A lot of the time she found she couldn't get through to young people as they were far too interested in pop culture, liberal politics and the dreaded....free love. However, this young man...a certain James Sprague...was interested.
"I agree that order and control are vital to a successful civilisation, Edna Sneedley. I am interested in your League and shall tell the others in my pod..."
"Pod, Mr Sprague?" interjected Edna, confused by the word.
"I mean, 'social circle', Edna Sneedley. Thank you for the pamphlet and information" he said, taking a League of Decency and walking off.
"We need more young people like him" said Edna to herself, pleased with her efforts.
She went home and poured herself a whisky and soda. Today had been a good day: She got to speak at an old age people's home about the League and then managed to meet and impress a bunch of people on the street but the campaigning didn't end there. Tonight was the Humour and Hijinks Festival and she wanted to see if it was good, clean fun (unlikely) or a hotbed of blue ribaldry...which she could try and get shut down.
She changed from her grey business suit and into a smart, but functional, frock. She poured another whisky for herself just before she set off in order to get in the right mood for a "hijinks" festival. Taking the subway, she headed straight for the Arts Quarter (one of her least favourite spots in Sim City) and the festival.
What greeted her on arriving at the event was just a few people in casual attire gathered around two, elaborate drinking fountains. One was marked "JOKESTERS" and the other "PRANKSTERS". The festival goers would go to either, take a coloured paper cup (Jokesters was red, Pranksters was green), fill it up with what looked like punch, drink it in one go and then place the empty cup on their heads, yelling "TEAM JOKESTER!" or "TEAM PRANKSTER!" out loud.
One person she noticed standing by one of the fountains was Geoffrey Landgraab. The two of them were on cordial terms, but hardly what you would be called friends. Both of them had a need for the other: For Edna, Geoffrey provided status by knowing him and influence in high places. For him, Edna and her husband were useful foils in putting pressure on people he didn't like. He could use their League of Decency to disrupt news articles unfavourable to the Landgraab Corporation or get a public event shut down. Geoffrey noticed Edna prowling around the festival and wondered if she had her sights set on the Humour and Hijinks Festival.
"Edna, what a surprise. I didn't expect to see you here"
"Nor you, Geoffrey. Are you familiar with this festival?"
"Actually I'm a patron...and a regular here. I'm a member of the Dishonourable Company of Pranksters. It's a silly thing, really. I got involved on campus back in the day. We raise money for charity by playing practical jokes and having joke wars with our so-called enemies; the Jokesters. It's all for a good cause."
"I see..." said Edna, but in truth she didn't see the point of all the low-brow humour in the name of a good cause.
"By the way, Edna, my wife met your delightful cleaning lady today and likes her too. She's got the job working at our place twice a week. Do tell George thank you for finding her."
Edna paused...she'd never met their cleaning lady and it came as a shock to find out, recently, that they had hired one...or more accurately, George had hired one.
"I will, I must confess, Geoffrey...I've never met the woman in person. Am I right that her name is Boombah?"
"Beulah. Beulah Boutee. Sounds exotic, doesn't it? However she's from Georgia."
"I'm glad George could help out...you know, he's so busy these days with his work: The hotel is attracting a more high class kind of clientele and their tastes are more...rarefied, but of course you and Nancy would know."
"Indeed. So are you staying for the fun, Edna? Can I get you to join the Pranksters for this evening?" Geoffrey replied.
"I would prefer to observe from a distance but thank you for the kind offer, Geoffrey. Pranking isn't really my sort of thing, you know?" Edna said diplomatically.
"Hello Edna, come to join in the fun?" came a voice from behind her. Edna turned around to see Julia Epstein standing right behind her.
"Julia, my dear, what a surprise to see you here?" said Edna, genuinely surprised to see her most promising acolyte out and about at a comedy festival.
"Oh not really...it's one way I let my hair down. I mean, I play the piano as well but...well, I like a little silliness from time to time: In an ordered and structured way, of course. I can't bear spontaneous joking around." said Julia, with a shudder at the thought of someone playing an impromptu joke on her.
"Quite right too" remarked Edna.
"Can I get you two ladies a drink?" asked Geoffrey.
"Why yes, Geoffrey, thank you...a double scotch on the rocks if you please. It should help the festivities go smoothly with a drink...or two"
A man in a bright gold, lamé jacket and sporting a big, cheesy smile stood in front of a microphone, tapped it a couple of times, sent a piercing wail of feedback into the speakers dotted around the festival. "Ladies and Gentlemen" he began "the Humour and Hijinks is proud to present the highlight of the evening! It's Big Pun Time!"
"Maybe even three or more drinks" said Edna, shuddering at the prospect of a Pun Fight. But the booze was flowing...and cheap.
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